CV those transcripts are very frustrating to read, because both of you want to push any disagreement all the way down to the lowest level and then rub the other one's nose in their wrongness.
WRT your son being late for school, really who cares what the school handbook says? The *point* is that you didn't feel good about the time your son arrived to school. If H wants to "help you", then he needs to do it in a way that will make you feel good and not worry. If S was technically late or not doesn't really matter, yet the two of you beat that one into the ground.
If I was your proxy in the room, I would have said "H, it doesn't matter if he was late or not. The point is that I don't feel good if he's not on time, and when he leaves late it makes me feel anxious -- I don't like feeling anxious. If you're going to take S to school, I need you to leave by 7:30. If you can't make that happen, don't worry about it and I'll take him. If you leave at 7:50, you're going to make me feel anxious and that's worse than me just taking him myself."
End of conversation. Its not about who is right and wrong, it's about how you feel and what you need. He can't argue with you about how you feel or what you need, because they come from you. If he tells you you're wrong to feel that way, shut that conversation down.
With regard to the second conversation, I would say this:
"Working on our marriage does not mean pointing out everything about me that bothers you and expecting me to change it while changing nothing yourself. We've tried to work on our marriage many times in the past, and in my opinion, you do not commit to making any changes yourself. When that happens, I have no motivation to change anything. I'm deeply unhappy with things as they are.
If you want to work on our marriage, let's start by talking about what I need from you. When you convince me that you're taking that seriously, and that you're providing those things because you want to and not because you want something in return, then I will engage and work with you. If you argue and tell me I'm wrong, then I'm not even going to finish the conversation. This starts with you listening. Let me know if that's a conversation you're willing to have."
Based on your track record, I wouldn't do a thing until he convinces you he's ready to make some changes.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
