But i don't want her to avoid being a mom for 3 kids. Right now, her fantasy with the OM is distracting her from reality (3 kids need her time).
That is such a strange response! You don't want her to avoid being a mom? LOL! How do you propose doing that, by forcing her to take the kids more? What makes you think she'll be a mom to them just because they're around more? Drunks drink in front of their kids, drug abusers do drugs in front of their kids, prostitutes have sex in front of their kids. I'm not saying your W is any of those things, but they're examples of how just because kids are present does not make people step up to their parental roles.
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Plus the OM lives 1000 miles away, he doesn't have the money to visit.
She's leaving you, so clearly she's not a loyal person. Why do you think she'd limit herself to one OM, or that she won't ditch that OM and find another OM locally?
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Basically if she or I want a new relationship, we need to work around the schedule with our kids to make it happen.
That's rational thought. Do you really think she is thinking and behaving rationally right now?
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I refuse to be the "Enabler" and she needs to realize at some point, the weekends will be her scheduled rights to see the kids. I will not let her avoid being a mom and at the same time, I won't be an "Enabler" of the affair.
We're talking about what's right for your kids, it has nothing to do with enabling. Your W told you she only wants them every other weekend. You cannot force her to see them more than she wants, and even if you do, it's probably not going to play out like you think.
