Oh, I can relate! I want so bad for my situation to be fixed!!!! I can say I've been where you are too many times to mention on your thread.
You need to explore more in depth the concept that you can not control other people. What does it mean to you to actually let go? Do you see that by doing these things:
Quote: I stopped there. Went in. Told him
Quote: I called this am and asked him if he was still going to take me shopping
Quote: I told him I could not fill out paperwork alone. Would need help.
Quote:
He needs to take a stereo speaker in and get it fixed, too. I mentioned those things to him and he said yeah, I know.
You are trying to control his behavior and thus putting pressure on him. You've got to let up! Back way off, don't question where he is, what he's doing, what he needs to be doing! You can only control what you do, remember?
I was there and as we both see it is not working for your situation nor mine. He KNOWS you don't want the d but has yet to see consistent behavior from you to warrant him reconsidering. (I know you hate hearing how you are the ONLY one working on the m but are your really? With NO assumptions what is H really doing to work on m? Do you notice see any small changes?)
Why were you mad last night? Because you had expectations that were not fulfilled. Let go of all expectations NOW. Examine what your concept of marriage and change the way you are thinking! I mean if the man doesn't hug you but does do laundry...can that replace your concept of a what a good marriage is?
Do you understand what I'm trying to say here? You need to go back to the very beginning wipe the slate clean of all your assumptions, put in what your h does do then build off that...not what the romance, tv tells us m should be.
Please, do this to occupy your time right now. Getting Dr Laura's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" will also help.
I'm praying for you to rethink your concept of marriage and love. Your h doesn't want to be d....you are forcing him to make the decision by having too high expectations of him thus putting pressure on him. You know he doesn't want the d...he looks miserable, he keeps coming back AFTEr he says it's over, he said ILY, he's trying in his own way to fix the m....but because it doesn't match what you are doing you get mad? Do you see this?
I'm sorry to whack you! I only say these things cause I know you truly love your h and you both want your m. YOu BOTH do! My heart hurts for you and hope by relaying this to you it will help turn your situation around...it did mine!! You are right the turnaround will come as you change! Your h has no clue how to do it...it is up to you to make it what you want.
I suggest also that you set up boundaries for behavior. I would list what you will do when your h does x such as "when h raises his fist to me, I will calmly say h this is not appropriate, I'm taking s and leaving and we can continue this conversation at another time"...this is a boundary. Not what h will do to preserve the r but what you will do so you can have the r you want. Make sense?
