I'm tired just reading your thread. So much EMOTION in your exchanges and just so much EMOTION. IMHO...your H is hurting and hurting bad. I would give him space, lots of space...lovingly detach for awhile. Go shopping if H still wants to go, treat him like a friend and keep things light...lovingly, d-e-t-a-c-h.
Take care of yourself and your son, take care of YOU.
