H stayed at a local bar/hotel last night. He was drinking alone. I stopped there. Went in. Told him the house would be empty from 8-12pm as I was taking S to see Lord of the Rings' last movie. He looked terrible. I told him I was worried about him and that I loved him. Then I left quietly.
H stayed at hotel. I called this am and asked him if he was still going to take me shopping in Soldotna. He said he would do so Friday. H said he would help take new christmas tree down on Friday. I told him I could not fill out paperwork alone. Would need help. He said he hadn't started his yet. I said ok and got off phone.
Now am just going to wait. I am so tired. Part of me says just give up...the other part loves him so much I can't.
Time to work on me again. Time to set up a plan in case this all really happens. I am so afraid. I just feel like I've lost him for good this time. He is so angry and so cold.
But then why would he agree to take me shopping? It's a 1 1/2 drive there and back. He needs an oil change. He needs to take a stereo speaker in and get it fixed, too. I mentioned those things to him and he said yeah, I know.
Knowing where he is makes it harder. I want to call him and beg and plead with him to come home. I can't do that, though, and I know it. So..no contact until he shows up here tomorrow. And tomorrow, I will look great and act nice. No matter what...I will make the trip pleasent.
