The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Thanks for the encouragement! I know that I might feel better afer paperwork is done, but it also feels more final than ever:( He also feels like once paperwork is done that its okay to have this relationship with OW...so his guilt may cease a bit.

I know that its going to get better but I just cannot see any light right now. I do feel like Im competing because but he chose her and that has broken me. The betrayal and rejection is unreal. Then on top of the awful things he has said to me, it hurts even worse. I think that is why Im constantly comparing me to her. I just keep thinking that he is thinking how great she is compared to how I was. I just keep thinking of all the things she is doing to make him happy and I dont have the chance anymore. I always made his bday special with the kids and I.

I cannot help but feel like she IS beating me with H. She has him, his love, and his time. She claims to love him unselfishly and unconditionally. Her exact words.

H did ask kids to come to dinner with him and his family tomorrow and they declined. I had NOTHING to do with this decline,but Im sure that it will come back to haunt me that they said no. I wish he would just realize that the kids are so hurt too and they really dont approve of anything he is doing and they dont have a huge desire to see him. I guess I will continue to be the "monster" as he called me in front of my kids on Tuesday.