Staying off the ride 2 - Leaning Back

[Tumbling]

Hey Labug
thanks for the questions
well, i have 180'd the things I wrote above that I was sorry for;
i understand that he is NOT me and I accept the differences
i still have my abandonment button to deal w but it is alot quieter when i have words with my idq (inner drama queen) - i think i will always have that due to my early days but i understand it more.

him? well the MLCtype-WAS doesn't naturally realise that wherever they go, there they are nor go through the growth we go through when we are left behind.

unless we get to talk about our LLs then i guess he won't change

i remember when we were piecing in 2011 he said people can't change and altho i agree fundamentally we might have auto thoughts, we can change our response to them.

maybe when the time is right and he does this kiss thing (on arrival rather than leaving - and NOT today as he is only coming to get his car) i can ask "H, do you want to be in an exclusive relationship w me cos kissing like this suggests you want to be more than friends"...then maybe we can have a talk about that...

what do you think?

on another note - i read this last night on "have the relationship you want":

Many women who are financially successful (or at least stable and can take care of themselves for the rest of their lives), have a great social life, great personal interests, friends, and enjoy their lives on a spiritual and fun level have simply chosen NOT to marry.

They actually prefer the idea of having “lovers” – live-in and not, male travelling companions, a man who shares a house and travel – all kinds of other circumstances that don’t include marriage. The reason being – they don’t want the RESPONSIBILITY of “taking care” of a man late in life.

And they’re not worried about being “taken care of” – and so the trade off seems like a bad deal.

What about you? Does it matter what “age” you’re “over”? Is marriage really the be-all-and-end-all of relationship and love?

What exactly do you expect it to do for you, in particular?

Are you really, internally, in your heart and mind, fighting relationship because you really, deep inside, don’t want the “responsibility”?

And it got me thinking. I never saw my Self married when I was younger. I was happy being free and hanging with a particular guy but I didn't want the settled element. I've talked about this previously how it damages CanadaGirl - all those "wifely" expectations I put on my Self.

And I thought maybe that's why it worked well living separately in our early days and now (when we get on), seeing each other when we can but knowing we are there for each other.

I'm fiercely independent and don't want to be caged.
I know the right relationship doesn't do that and I thought H and I had that but then we got into a horrible mess w me making emotional demands when he was in my space but just wanted to chill. I accept him far more for who he is when I don't live w him. But I want him to be mine, I won't share him w another so he has to be my partner/boyfriend however, he does have to respect the relationship and can't just book 3wks holiday w mates without considering me.

In May, I was just hanging out w him w no q about him moving home and it was only when friends questioned the "norm" of living together that I started questioning the sitch myself

Maybe boyfriend/girlfriend is better for me or do I sound like someone who wants her cake and eat it too?

I don't know - am I making any sense?