Ultimately, I told him that I want him to be happy, and if this is the only way... I *did* tell him I loved him. I know - big mistake!
I think that was OK. If you're talking about S and you're talking about opening the cage door and letting them go it doesn't hurt to remind them that you do love them and that letting them go is an extension of that love.
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I also told him that I didn't think I could be friends with him after a divorce. He said he understood that, and if that's what happens, he accepts it.
I suppose just SAYING that was another form of pressure to him.
I don't think so, you're just letting him know that D may not be the cake-eating-festival he imagines it to be where he can be buddies with you while parading a stream of women in front of you too and telling you all about his sex life.
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He came home, we ate and watched TV, and it was like the talk never happened!
That seems to be pretty typical. I know in the case of my W she would forget most of the R conversation almost as soon as it was over while I would dwell on the details for days. I think that's why Michele says no R talks, because they're rarely productive at this stage and the WAS isn't assigning them any value anyway.
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As for being friends with him... We were always friends!
Then a 180 for you might be to stop being such a good friend to him. While this may seem counterintuitive, the idea is to change the dynamics of the R. Shake things up. Confuse your H. Make him wonder what's going on. Be mysterious.
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But, it seemed like he felt rejected when I didn't hug him immediately... just a feeling I got... Maybe THAT is part of our problem?
Try not to microanalyze every little thing that happens between the two of you, it'll drive you crazy! Just remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't be concerned about whether every hug or touch or thing you said was right or wrong. Just stick to general DB'ing principals and be patient. Look for long-term trends, not short hops.
Regarding the hugging, I would cut way back on initiating them. Again, you want to make him wonder what you're up to. Lovingly detach.
