My post ^^^ meant the realization was important but not easy. I was out of town and posting too quickly.
I'm following along.
I knew what you meant. :-)
I was talking to one of the ministers from church today and she asked what if H came and said he had made a mistake and wanted to come back. I told her I wasn't sure what I would say. She said you have to forgive. I told her just because I forgive doesn't mean I will take him back. Plus, I don't think he'll ever say that.
Needless to say, I'm feeling a lot less hospitable than I was these last 9 months. H leaving showed me that I don't mean enough to him to stay and fight. I want to be with someone who is going to be here through good and bad. Not just when everything is going their way.
I was talking to one of the ministers from church today and she asked what if H came and said he had made a mistake and wanted to come back. I told her I wasn't sure what I would say. She said you have to forgive. I told her just because I forgive doesn't mean I will take him back. Plus, I don't think he'll ever say that.
It sounds like this minister has no clue about broken marriages and is just towing what he/she perceives is the Christian line. Forgiving is easy to do...living in misery is not!
Originally Posted By: RoRoinMD
Needless to say, I'm feeling a lot less hospitable than I was these last 9 months. H leaving showed me that I don't mean enough to him to stay and fight. I want to be with someone who is going to be here through good and bad. Not just when everything is going their way.
And you remember this ALWAYS! When we start going through this (divorce) we freak out because we either only think about the good times we've had with our spouse or that we are comfortable and don't want change. We don't see the "monster" they have actually become. So we fight for the person they used to be or for memories of what the marriage was. Once we get near the end, we are exhausted from all the work we have put into saving the marriage. It's usually at that time that we start seeing reality. Sometimes people change and it's not for the good. These are no longer the people we want to be with. But THANKFULLY, we went through this process of DBing. Not just to try to save a marriage, but because it saved ourselves! Ro, you saved yourself and have the skills to be a much happier person in life. If your H ever decides to better himself, then maybe you can rediscover something. Otherwise, you ARE an amazing catch that will make someone thank God daily!
Nothing much is up. I've been staying busy (not by choice...work is killing me), and trying to just take it one day at a time. Yes, there are days when I miss H, but I've gotta say most days I'm just glad to not be dealing with his drama. I talk to H occasionally, and since last week only when he calls me. I haven't been calling him, and only send the occasional text. In the words of my sister, "I just can't..." - deal with him right now, worry about what he's doing and if it's with OW (most of the time), or feel sorry for myself. Sure there will be days when I will, but right now...I just can't.
Meanwhile, I've been catching up with friends, and even signed back up for Jazzercise AND a knitting class. Remember those football tickets I bought H for Father's Day? Guess what? I never printed the tickets out before he left. (Something told me not to) Guess who gets to see the Panthers & Redskins on Sunday? YEAH!!!! I'm taking one of my girlfriends who is into football. I'm not that into football, and I'm actually excited about going. Doing something different. I bet H probably forgot all about those tickets. He probably thinks I sold them. Guess who is not calling him to remind him? At least not until after tailgating and the game. *evil laugh*
MIL is getting better slowly. I've talked to her a couple of times. I am still very worried about her. Also, H still isn't talking to anyone about everything he's going through, and he sounds about ready to crack. I told him to call me whenever he needed to talk. I doubt he will, but...NOT MY PROBLEM. (But can I repeat again how relieved I am to just have to worry about myself for a change?)
Hi Ro! I'm glad you're doing things with friends and staying busy.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Ces, as far as I know, he isn't working on a D. First off, he doesn't have the money. I also don't think he'll file until he's either out in the open with OW (which he says he isn't) or someone else.
I still don't think he knows whether he's coming or going, so it could be a while.
