Is it too late to DB?

[job]

caigy,
I'm sorry you are here, but you are safe in posting here. There are so many wonderful posters here that will assist you along the way as your walk the path of MLC.

It's never too late to DB and there is always hope in any situation. Please remember DB is for you so that you can learn how to communicate better w/your spouse and others and it also helps you learn how to detach and not react to each and every word or deed he does.

The affair will have to die a slow death and one of its own making. Nothing you say or do will end it. In fact, discussing the affair will only make him that much determined to continue it. He will do everything he can to protect her.

He can't look at you because of guilt and shame for what he's done and maybe doing now. The eyes are the window to the soul and they always are very honest when looking at others. He truly doesn't feel comfortable being around you because of what he's doing. That being said, leave him alone, give him plenty of space to choke on and lots of time to find himself.

Your h does not hate you...in fact, he hates himself right now as well as the world he's living in. He has to act this way in order to justify why he's doing what he's doing. His feelings for you are stuffed way down in his soul for now, but there will be periods of clarity later on when he will actually act normal, but don't be fooled...they don't last very long and he's back in the fog of mlc.

Does he take the kids out when he comes to visit? Does he interact w/them when he's there or does he just sit and watch TV?

This journey is not for the faint of heart, so dig deeper for patience because you are going to need it and learn to come here when you need to vent. Do not take your anger out on him, for this will push him away even further as they do not like to be reminded of what they are doing. If you don't have boundaries, set some so that you feel comfortable in your home. Also, be sure to protect your assets. He may be on the road to spending quite a bit in a few week/months.

Contine to do what you are currently doing, i.e., no textings or calls except for emergencies or something to do w/the kids.

Keep the focus on you and your children. Let go, let God have him for a while.