After 3 years of this, I am not sure how much longer I want to continue to give her time and space to decide what she wants to do. Do I need to engage her in a relationship discussion, indicate that I would like her to change jobs and start to work towards either a plan of reconciliation or a plan to separate and move on?
Woah, kudos to you for sticking it out this long!! I've read of similar sitches to yours in which the LBS finally comes to the point where they're done and ready to move on and effectively become a WAS themselves. Personally I think the most disappointing thing about WAS's is that they rarely warn the LBS until it's "too late". So yes, I do believe you should have that talk to give her one last chance to get her act together. Tell her exactly what you described above- that you're to the point of moving on yourself and that the only way you'll consider not doing so is if she drops all contact with OM, changes jobs, and works on reconciliation.
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I tried all of the approaches recommended in DR and nothing has any significant affect on how the relationship that I have with my wife.
Well unfortunately it doesn't always work. But seriously, you deserve all the respect in the world for giving it so much time.
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One minute we are picking out new Quartz Counter Tops for our vacation home and the next day she is on the Internet looking at houses that she could buy and live in.
That makes me think her WAS desires are more of a fantasy then something she actually wants to pursue.
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I am in a good place emotionally at this time. Thoughts of losing my wife and the pain of finding out about her affair have gone away. My self-confidence has returned, I was recently promoted to Vice-president Finance for the $2.5 billion healthcare company that I work for. I continue to work out 5 times a week and I feel that regardless of which way things fall, I will be able to move on a find a better life.
Congratulations on all of this, that's fantastic! DB'ing isn't specifically about just bringing the spouse back, it's mainly about making yourself a better person so that you are better equipped for the future whether your spouse is part of that or not. And in that respect yours is a great success story
