My story is similar. I actually know a good many of my triggers. For me, identifying my physical response has been helpful. I clench my hands, my breathing increases, I clench my jaw. I also have identified things in my environment that bother me. Noise is the biggest one. Also, just clutter and disorganization bothers me. I have tried several different things to help me control it. For the most part when I am angry I lash out verbally. I really say some of the most horrible things. I also scream. I don't really physically do anything. It is out of the ordinary to throw things or anything like that. I will slam a door sometimes though. For me and my M, H would sometimes intentionally push my buttons to get me going. Then I would lash out and he could sit back and say, "See there. Your anger is the problem." So really the biggest benefit for me is not giving him that. It then makes it hard for him to justify some of the things he does. He also has major anger issues. That's another post though. I actually have asked my kids to tell me when I am getting wound up. Although, honestly, I tell everyone. They just don't seem to listen or care at the time. I will say, Hey I'm getting pissed off. You need to stop. or I'm getting angry. It's not like I just blow up. So I will say those things normally 4-5 times before I blow. They just have no respect for my boundaries and what I am saying. I wish I knew how to change that. I really don't. Even if I walk away, the nature of kids is to follow. Or at least my kids. The other thing is even if I walk away normally the behavior I am upset about escalates. Anger is always just a reflection of hurt I think. Maybe I am going about things wrong. Maybe if I were to say it is really hurting my feelings that you are disrespecting me and continuing to act that way? Maybe I will try that next time and see how it goes. My kids really push my buttons. With them it is the noise but also really just bad behavior. Once they get in their mode it is hard to stop it. My meltdown usually does the trick but hey that's not the most super effective method I have ever seen.
