Antonia that was wonderful!!!! and I feel like it was "spot on". My xh said to me, "he tried" AND I didn't want to believe it at the time, but I really think he did. I think he tried very hard to convience himself he was still in love with me. I saw real tears when he moved out. He had no reason to cry, or so I thought, but he was hurting. He felt so guilty, he wanted his family to work, but it was no longer there for him. He needed excitement, something new (MLC). He knew he was hurting me, but he HAD to move on with HER, he LOVED the attention he was getting. He felt younger, more alive. She GOT him, his NEW self. He could be this other person with her, the NEW person he had become. BUT, he still loved me and didnt want to hurt me, he worried I would not be able to go on and TO THIS DAY, he STILL thinks I am the same person that stood there crying adn begging him not to leave. I am sure he thinks I would LOVE to have HIM back. What he dont know is I would love to have my FAMILY back, I miss my family....him not so much, esp the person he became and is now. He told his best friend that after he and ow (which was #2 ow), got married (which she was already pregnant), he wanted to have children.....twin girls. Said he wanted a challange. He also made the statement that "things were so different", with this new lady. Of course they were, he needed a new high, a new life and she was young and in free.
ANYWAY Tad, Antonia is spot on. I think most of our spouses have felt this way. It may be a MLC but regardless they are not "In love with US anymore". They are looking for a high, a new relationship to make then feel new again.
In my case, my xh had to remarry, was prb pressured, but he did, and he has a new son. This may last and it may not. Your xw may get married and it may last and it may not. It just depends. If the person they marry and can their high going and the IN LOVE feeling for them going, then they may stay married. OR It may wear off and they may wake up. Hope is never lost! It isnt over until GOD says its over.
BUT like everyone says, he have to go on. You cant sit and wait, well you can, but what kind of life is that for you OR your children. You also cant jump when she offers a nice little jester.....is she coming out of this, blah blah blah. Tad if she wants you back, you will know it. She will make an effort and it wont just be jesters in my opinon.
To add to what Antonia was saying about her ex bf being different with new gf....well. Its like this, if a person is into you, you will know it, they will jump leaps and bounds, go out of their way to show you. There wont be any excuses. This is why some act differently with others. We think, well nobody will have them the way he/she acted with me, no one would put up with that....the fact is, they DONT act that way with someone THEY truly fall in love with. They ARE different because their feeling are stronger/different. I am not good with words, hope you got the point.
I know my xh is totally acting different with new wife, even down to how he dresses and his hobbies.
Anyway Tad, you will be ok, you are just at your own pace. Some fight longer than others, some have a hard time giving up and letting go. I am in that club!
