There'll be no white flag above my door-not yet La

[Accuray]

Labug that's such a tough question. Anyone here is probably going to offer you their own learnings. In general, I think you want to find someone mature enough to recognize when they are causing or participating in dysfunctional dynamics with you and have the wherewithal to put the brakes on without being consumed by their pride. To me, that would be #1 -- maturity including the ability to admit when they are wrong.

Secondly I would look for shared interests -- not because they are critical or because divergent interests cannot be overcome, but because similar interests will help to unite you while divergent interests are something that will require compromise. If you can enjoy the things you love the most with the person you love the most, that much better.

Third, I would look for someone interested in making their relationship work. A prior divorce wouldn't be a strike against them unless they view that as the easy way out in the future. If they've read "The Five Love Languages" that would be a good thing. You have to dig deep here, because while you're dating, they're going to want to make things work and will act differently than they will for the long haul.

Finally, it's important to find someone who either has the same level of sexual desire as you do, or if you are the higher desire partner, they will respect that and step up for you. Conversely, if you're the lower desire partner, you feel you'll be willing to step up for them without resentment and "pay it forward". Sex unfortunately can become such a source of pent up frustration, resentment, and ill will that people are so hesitant to (1) give voice to and (2) be willing to discuss rationally without getting emotional. Better to have that conversation up-front.

I think for you, based on all you've been through, there's very little chance that you'll end up with another emotionally unavailable man. As a matter of fact, I'd bet on you to make it successful next time around hands down. It's one thing to get married when you're young and don't know anything, it's quite another to do so with the gift of experience.

Accuray