Is it too late to DB?

[LoisB]

I'm sorry you need the board. You will find lots of wisdom and support from people who understand this bizarre situation we find ourselves.

I could have written your story almost to the stripper! My H is living with? I think anyway? with a woman covered in tattoos who is renown for being slutty, a drug addict and has some serious emotional problems AND has fake boobs! Pretty is not the word that comes to mind when you see this woman. More like "God, wonder how many years she has been in jail." She is on disability--which she doesn't need because of some emotional issue. My H used to rail against anyone using the system like this. He would get irate about people like her who abuse the system so they don't have to work. Soooooo weird.

I discovered the affair in Jan by looking at the phone records. I told him to stay away. I spent almost 8 months yelling, pleading, screaming, crying, begging raging at him through some really sick text messages. I was pretty much texting him 24/7.

Since I read DB in Oct., I've changed my tune. I'm working hard to focus on my new business, my kids and my own sanity. Instead of texting him, I post a message here when I feel a burning desire.

It's hard to see someone you trusted so deeply treat you with such disgust. It's not him though. Snodderly said, I think on this thread or another, that his real self is buried deep in his soul right now. I agree with this.

It's never too late. I've seen some baby steps from H since I've started following DB and the veterans on this board. You can do this. I know the feeling that you can't resist telling him "this one thing" that may shake him into reality. Don't. If the desire keeps tugging at you, post it here. Ask for suggestions, vent, put the question out there--Should I relate this info to H? You will get an answer and it comes from lots of experience.

The really hard part is accepting that H may never return and living your life. It gets easier. Ironically, you may only be able to save your marriage by accepting it's over. Not that you have to rush to court, but in your heart--allow yourself to go there-no matter how much it hurts. Once you really let go, miracles can happen. And, not necessarily with your H.

I've experienced sooooo many miracles during this journey.

Let him figure this out. I try to think of it this way...at least with this very troubled woman he's with, I don't feel all that threatened--for the most part. You just have to take one look at her to see how screwed up H is right now. She looks very hard like someone who has been through ALOT. She's no Heidi Klum--now that would be hard to take!

Look for the blessings where you can find them.

Hang in,

Heather