I feel like my W and I have made great progress in our M, but she doesn't seem to actually want to do any of the heavy lifting. Day to day interactions are pretty much awesome, but we don't seem to be doing anything about the issues.
In our retrouv post session on commitment and forgiveness last week, she basically said she didn't think she could forgive me and was worried that if she did, things wouldn't change. So while it seems as though everything is great, clearly it is not.
Last night she asked me to go grab a bite to eat while the kids did the candy run and we had a pretty good time initially. At one point she starts telling me how OM bought a jaguar and his "stupid wife" wrecked it the same day. Even though a couple months ago I told her directly that I wouldn't be in a M with OM involved in it, she continues to talk to him, text him, and even better, tell me about him. She's got some business dealings with him, so some of it is reasonable, but he did some work for us and basically cost us six figures so even without her EA with him, I'm not a fan of his. Hearing about his new jag set me off and I basically told her he screwed us and pretty much everyone else he's worked for.
As you might guess, this has been a sore spot for us, and a recurring discussion that leads to no where. On one hand, I should have known better than to even venture into the discussion, but on the other, it's almost like she throws it in my face continually and I'm just supposed to grin and bear it (which I have been doing for the most part).
She didn't really say much during this point of the discussion honestly, but after I said my peace, she did tell me how much damage I just did to our relationship and how she would file for D (yes, again!). At this point I simply said fine and asked her to lower the listing price of our house (which she did, which was surprising).
I've spent a lot of time thinking about this today and I'm at a loss. The money we lost thru this process was "OUR" money. She seems to give him a pass on it. That said, she's free to have her opinion and I mine. What I don't understand is, I was bagging on OM and she got upset enough to tell me we're getting D again. Clearly I'm missing something.
- Perhaps it's the same old argument made her feel like it was the same old me?
- Maybe she felt like I was blaming her for our loss?
- Maybe she thought I was trying to force her to share my opinion?
I dunno, but I am hoping she'll be willing to tell me later this evening.
I feel a bit depressed about the whole thing honestly. I'm tired of putting up with the OM situation. I'm tired of being threatened with D every time we don't agree on something. I'm tired of feeling that my feelings don't count.
One thing I did realize is that I have a lot of resentment about this financial loss and I really need to do some forgiving so I can let go of it. I hadn't realized how tightly I was holding on to it until I spoke my mind.
