Frank Pittman says that of marriages that come from affairs only 25% will last, not that 25% of affairs become marriages. So if the 3% become serious lasting relationships, then 75% of those marriages also end in divorce.
Here are the stats from various sources on the internet. It goes from 3 to 10 percent but that is still very low odds.
He says he's seen one. I don't believe him. Last year when we first separated he saw one but felt forced to so he didn't really use it to his advantage. When we went in to the first false recovery we saw a marriage counselor and things were ok until he began running into her places (he refused to change his AA meetings or do anything to prevent seeing/speaking to her, much like he's doing now which is why I told him it WILL happen again as long as they stay in touch). Eventually the marriage counseling sessions turned into his love affair sessions. And because the marriage counselor did not discourage it he felt it was not "wrong" so he left me for her. The marriage counselor refuses to see us. He said as long as there is a third person we will never save this relationship. And he does not believe my husband will end things based on their ic sessions. This was in June. I have not been back to him since. I have my own IC. Who is encouraging me to file papers.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
I've done a lot of reading. I wanted to understand how he went from loving me to loving her. We are so different. And then it was like how he rewrote our entire relationship it made no sense. Things have to make sense to me haha...
After the last false attempt in June, he moved in with her and cut me off. Kinda, he still expected good night every night until I finally said I would NOT say good night to MY husband while he slept in another woman's bed anymore. It did not make him leave her though. He just accepted no more good night.
I am not really sure what made him leave her really. I mean, he moved out and they no longer "date" but the contact is still there. This was his choice -the leaving - and came because of the messages I left. But I am still pretty sure he's going back to her. I am just waiting for it. It's his pattern. And THIS time there is no coming back from it. THIS time I will be done and he will have his NO CONTACT only it will be me who won't be in contact with him anymore.
The time when we didn't speak gave me a lot of time to think and mull over the things I'd read and I came to the conclusion no amount of effort on MY part was going to save my marriage as long as HE did not want to put in any effort or if he continued on with her. And I realized the defeat of that and I let go.
I will not get back on the roller coaster and I truly feel very bad for those still on it. I am on the tilt a whirl now lol.. and hopefully my next stop is the ferris wheel... much milder rides...
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
Today I told him if he does not cut her off I am not taking his calls. I told him I am filing papers. I can't do this. Its ridiculous now. I think of how he was like, we can do this... then suddenly didn't know what he wanted anymore. He's playing games all around on everyone. I said I would cut off anyone who couldn't accept us being back together when we were first talking about it - including my own family. And he refuses to cut her off. I see where I stand now. ANd I told him I have no more questions about what's going on, I get it now. Same game... different version.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
Our communication dwindled over the course of the past few days, we live on the east coast... but he did come here everyday to bring me food or see if I needed anything. Today he dropped the "I dont' know what I want" bomb. And I told him this was the end of the second chance. He said he wanted to read somethings about this situation and would call me when he figures it all out. He loves me but has "feelings" for her and he wishes... blah blah you know the rest of that speech. You've heard it too. I said not to contact me anymore until he was ready to get rid of her and be serious about us. I said I will not keep doing this with you. If you don't know what you want then it's time you let me go because this is just mean now. And ridiculous. He agreed it was ridiculous... so then why? I didn't even ask. "I don't know" is the usual response.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
Yesterday my husband and I decided to take a break. I needed to think about what I want and he was "confused" about how he feels.
Today....
My husband called accusing me of calling his POSOW and hanging up on her. That SHE read MY phone number off her phone to him. I said I don't even know her number. YES YOU DO. YOU HAVE FRIENDS IN COMMON SHE TOLD ME SO. I said so, we have friends in common big deal, I am NOT discussing her with them. SHE SAID YOU DO. Oh, then it MUST be true huh? So then I said why don't you ask to see the log on her phone? He said she "dismissed it" so there's no record. I said really? then how did she read it off to you. That stumped him. Then he said she wrote it down I guess. I then said btw, when you "dismiss" a call, it shows in your missed calls log it doens't get deleted. Stumped him again. Then I called him back to say I now had in my hands the detailed call records from 10/1 thru today at noon. He said so, it takes 3 days to show on a bill, she already told me that you would try that. I said oh really... 3 days she said? Then how come I can see right here that you called my house phone 2 times before calling me here? Stumped him again.
I told him I hoped the two of them psychos were happy together and lived a long and crazy life together but I am bowing out of this madness now.
He said I believed you. I said, no you didnt. And I am SOOOOO glad I had proof she's crazy. I said still think she's worth it? He said don't do that. Whatever.
I doubt he will be back. I just handed him to her. Somehow she will convince him my "logs" are a lie. It's what she does.
I highly doubt even THIS will get him out of the fog.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
