I'm thinking about this for when I pick her up tonight and we are in the car alone. Is this a good approach? Is it against DB?
Me: "I'm sorry for adding to your stress yesterday and this morning. I don't always know when you're so stressed out since we don't share our feelings as much anymore. There's a lot going on with both of us and what happened isn't really about the SUV. As far as the SUV and bike go, well I shouldn't just hint about it getting cold out, the real thing is that as the weather keeps getting worse and we could soon get snow we will have only one vehichle to use so we need to talk about plans ahead of time so that we aren't getting at each other last minute about it. As far as the other issues go, I do want to help you if you need it, it's just a matter of me knowing what's going on before we take it out on each other."
Of course I have no idea how she will respond or if she'll even let me say all that...
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
So I don't bring it up, I don't apologize. What if SHE brings it up, do I apologize then?
Also, am I just grasping at straws here or could this be that whole thing in DR where it says sometimes an angry INITIAL reaction isn't always a bad thing?
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Alright, I won't say anything. If she brings it up I have to try and put it to rest, say I thought we had moved on.
One of those messed up times where I worry if I once again screwed up the little bit of DB I had gotten in but then, I know that worry will show and she'll know I focus on her.
Mutual friend said that while her and GF were talking GF said she knows I don't want her to move out. That's interesting b/c I haven't been giving any indications to GF that I can think of.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
So last night the use of the car doesn't come up and the ride home is fine. She goes to get the kids and comes back and I was waiting to help if they needed it but she came in alone and they got ready for bed. Said goodnight and I waited until they closed the bedroom door and I went to bed b/c I was tired.
This morning is fine until she comes out to the kitchen saying she was going to talk to me last night but she was too tired. The kids want to sleep at her dads and since she is fighting with her mom the rule is that she has to sleep over even though she hates it.
I say that I'm not trying to fight with her, and I kind of have a smile (smirk?) on my face. I'm saying that in the past she could just drop the kids off and come back home and she cuts in quickly and says it's b/c she's fighting with her mom.
I say do what you want and she says she's not asking persmission. So I just go back to what I'm doing b/c it's not really that she won't be home (I had a feeling she was going to spend the night away tonight, just had that gut feeling for a few days) but rather that it's just more of the car crap. The expecation to use it and it wouldn't matter what I said, no matter if I really needed or wanted the car, she was already set on doing this b/c she doesn't have to ask permission to stay with family. She's prattling on about how she figured I was working until midnight and they would be in bed by the time I got home even if they stayed at home so it doesn't matter and she just wanted to let me know where the car will be and she'll pick me up in the morning if I need it and she just doesn't want to fight about the car.
So I'm just quiet and getting my lunch ready and she asks me what's wrong. I say nothing and she says "do you want to try again with me?" I say nothing and she asks again. I tell her I know she doesn't really want to be around me so whatever. She starts walking away and I ask why she couldn't have just dropped it when I said nothing. She says ok and sits down.
I go out and say I'm sorry if that came out the wrong way. She tells me to drop it, that's what I said. I tell her that I just want her to know I don't care if she stays or goes. If she wants to move out fine and if she wants to stay fine, doesn't matter to me. If she doesn't want to spend the night there fine, doesn't matter to me.
She says it "bothers the f**k out of me" and I tell her no. She says she wishes I wouldn't lie to her and I tell her I'm not. She says she can see it in my face and the fact that I'm telling her. I tell her she shouldn't lie to me and she says she hasn't. I say that as she always reminds me, actions speak louder than words and I know she doesn't really want to be around me. She tells me to stop putting words in her mouth b/c she never gave me a yes or no about it. I tell her that she shouldn't put words in my mouth either. It just kind of peters out and I go back to working on breakfast/lunch. I still went ahead and offered eggs and bacon to her since I was already making it.
She and the baby had some breakfast and after that we both just went about our business as usual.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
