Tumbling, great decision to wait and not text back tonight. If he calls, you can say you were too busy to check your phone. I see how you're growing impatient. I still think that things are improving, but they'll take a while, so you should be prepared to be patient...
Thanks for dropping in Busting, Tori, MKB and AFA I'm not feeling very strong, inspired or wonderful tonight. I sent "good morning H Punkydo x" this morning - silence. I've realised that it is the no reply that really does me in When will I learn that? NOW - no more of that.
I'm sad. I drove home with tears in my eyes. I don't know why. I had a great day in work - lots of ideas and appreciation from colleagues. I don't get why the sadness tonight.
This morning I sat in the living room before I left for work and I thought - I don't want to live here without H. Tonight in the car I thought - I want H to come home. And I thought - have I told H that? Not recently And now I'm thinking - am I prepared to say that and to hear him say "I don't want to come home Tumbling"? Why do I have to wait for him to make all the (slow) moves? Why am I not allowed to say "H, I'm done w this txtng nonsense. Do you want to come home? If not, then let's get this separation show on the road. If you do then can we please do more than txt. I want a real, live relationship with a person, not my mobile phone."
I really miss him tonight. I don't know what to do. I know he took his car somewhere today to get windscreen replaced. I know tomorrow he is bringing the car back to the garage near the house to get its brakes done at 0830hrs. Coincidentally, I am working at home tomorrow - he doesn't know - writing my section of the company business plan. I want to ask him if he wants to hang out at the house tom morning instead of waiting at garage and that maybe we could have breakfast together. But I can't handle no replies so I am stuck leaning back and posting my emotions here. It's rubbish. He's rubbish.
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
So you're being hit by one of those unfortunate reality waves are you? Where you know things can be good, can be better, and unfortunately H still has a fair amount of "fog" around him.
You are only as stuck as you allow yourself to be. I, and probably everyone else here, feel your pain. You willing to make things better, but they're not. It could simply be so much better! We all know that, well other than them that is. They're cursed with blindness and we're cursed with being awareness. Our holding onto hope is also partially what hurts us.
As I'm typing this, I can't help be see your signature...."Strong on the inside" tap into that astpect of you Tumbling. You are a strong wonderful woman. You can ride this wave to shore. Hell, if you want, just jump off and swim to shore. There's a picnic blanket waiting for you.
Thanks AFA. I like your riding the wave to the shore where my blanket is waiting. I put it on the beach in the first place (not the castle green) so that I could keep my eyes on the horizon not the castle.
I just don't feel strong on the inside, soft on the outside right now. I feel weak on the inside and sad on the outside. I really want to call him BUT it won't make me feel better as there's 9/10 chance that he won't ansa and my auto thought is he is choosing not to ansa (rejection).
I haven't felt like this in a long time. Maybe I'm like you today and having a growing moment... I'm just gonna have to find a horse to ride - before my inner drama queen starts putting on the pity party music
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Tumbling, I've felt what you're feeling many times, it hurts.
You can say this "H, I'm done w this txtng nonsense. Do you want to come home? If not, then let's get this separation show on the road. If you do then can we please do more than txt. I want a real, live relationship with a person, not my mobile phone." to H whenever you want, just be prepared for the answer. I've thought almost the exact same lines many times.
You said in a previous post that you weren't "done" and I think you're right. Do you want your anxiety and fear to make your decision?
I don't know when the right time to quit is and I don't think it's quitting, I think it's just that you are finally done. I'm sure it's different for everyone. But I think we each must be sure the decision is really coming from us, not driven by emotion created by our H's (or W's) actions/inactions.
In the last 7 weeks I've had one email exchange with my H. It was about money, he was friendly and agreeable in his answer. I didn't respond to his response and now we are in total darkness.
I truly believe that he would go on forever still married but never seeing me.
It's certainly not what I want but I'm not "done" yet. Even my IC agrees.
Keep moving forward.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
There's a 10/10 chance you will find support here.
Also question for you, if you haven't felt like this in a long time, what have you been doing to not feel that way? What did you do last time to get out of this low mood?
Gotta get back to work for a few...I'll check back later.
I want to call H. I want to call H. I want to call H. I think I know what has set this off. It's that job, I've seen. For me to follow my dream of doing something re whale conservation/ management that I've had since 1995 then this is the best place for me to use my natural and trained coms skills. I have never wanted to work for an NGO. This is the political body that sets the agenda. BUT it's 150miles from here.
Today at lunch a co-worker said it's a shoe-in. You will definitely get an interview - you have the marine policy background, the coms skills, the experience, the knowledge of cetacean issues, the two languages they want and you're ready to move. No one else is going to have that combo. And as soon as they meet you they'll see what a great person you are too.
And I really do want it BUT it's 150miles from here (H)
I sent H my draft CV on Tuesday night with the email title "Would you interview me?" and inside I wrote "pls can you review this and let me know any amends. It's at times like these I really miss my daddy" he died when I was 22.
I had the same feeling a couple of days ago Tumbling. Just wanting to get SOMEWHERE. I felt like calling and saying x this, x that, bla bla bla.
I chose not to, and after a while I realized that the only reason for me wanting to do so was my feelings in that moment of time. Those feelings pushed me.
Maybe our counterpart has these feelings from time to time, or maybe not. BUT, I doubt they have them at the exact same time as us. Even if they do, they probably wont show them easily. Therefore I'm glad I didn't call.
Stay strong, when you get in a better place things will become more clear.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
