Livnlearn summed it up, you are trying to hard, I know this is rough and you want to share your insights with him, but don't. That is what we are for, share, vent, comment here. You seemed to get a positive response from him when you began to back off and then you jumped on top of it and started doing what you have been doing.
Take your goals, write them down and put them somewhere where you will read them first thing every morning.
Also, all the energy you are taking to please him, change the focus of it and do things to please you. What made you happy today? What made S happy today? What did you like doing, what made a smile cross your face, even briefly. Take those activities or moments and expand on them. For every time you push H is going to pull away. You ask him what he wants, he says he doesn't know, leave it at that, don't find another way to ask the same question. Play the game of being the first to end the phone call with a cheery bye!
Also, it struck me that he was keen to go bowling until he found out others were involved. Possibly he doesn't want to be around outsiders right now? Don't force him, maybe plan a bowling date for just the three of you.
You can do this! It is hard, but it is for you as much as him.
