Staying off the ride 2 - Leaning Back

[Tumbling]

Thanks for dropping in Busting, Tori, MKB and AFA
I'm not feeling very strong, inspired or wonderful tonight.
I sent "good morning H Punkydo x" this morning - silence.
I've realised that it is the no reply that really does me in
When will I learn that? NOW - no more of that.

I'm sad. I drove home with tears in my eyes.
I don't know why. I had a great day in work - lots of ideas and appreciation from colleagues. I don't get why the sadness tonight.

This morning I sat in the living room before I left for work and I thought - I don't want to live here without H.
Tonight in the car I thought - I want H to come home. And I thought - have I told H that? Not recently
And now I'm thinking - am I prepared to say that and to hear him say "I don't want to come home Tumbling"?
Why do I have to wait for him to make all the (slow) moves?
Why am I not allowed to say "H, I'm done w this txtng nonsense. Do you want to come home? If not, then let's get this separation show on the road. If you do then can we please do more than txt. I want a real, live relationship with a person, not my mobile phone."

I really miss him tonight. I don't know what to do.
I know he took his car somewhere today to get windscreen replaced.
I know tomorrow he is bringing the car back to the garage near the house to get its brakes done at 0830hrs.
Coincidentally, I am working at home tomorrow - he doesn't know - writing my section of the company business plan.
I want to ask him if he wants to hang out at the house tom morning instead of waiting at garage and that maybe we could have breakfast together.
But I can't handle no replies so I am stuck leaning back and posting my emotions here.
It's rubbish. He's rubbish.