The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Anotherstander...Im going to print this ^^^^^^ out and read it everyday! I want to give up hope so quickly because of how mean and nasty he is and how gosh darn adament he is that he is DONE! I will read this to remind myself that he isnt as happy as I perceive him and that I need to move on for myself and my kids. I think that has been one of the hardest things...thinking of how happy he must be now without me in his life. He has almost had me convinced many times that maybe I WAS the reason for all his problems. I have come up with things I could have changed and I know that is good, but I cannot change him. One of his many texts was to me: "we both resent each other so much now that a R is not even possible".

I also wonder that if his pride would ultimately get in the way of R if he ever did want to reconsider coming home. He is very worried about what others think of him. He made a comment that he was uncomfortable at our D's school last week for a function and that everyone was looking at him. What he doesn't realize is that one a few of those people even know we are S.

I went to IC today and he basically said, "your marriage is over, and you need move on". He said from everything I have told him and how H is acting, that he had moved on with his life and I need to move on with mine and be there for my kids and unborn baby. I told him how scared I was, and that this was all I ever knew was H and I and he spent some time telling me things I could do to help myself. Funny thing is....I do a lot of those things already...

Is is normal to feel so lonely, even when your surrounded by so many friends and family?

IC thinks that maybe I just re-traumatized myself when I did the drive by and actually SAW H walking up to her house. IC said he thought that I was making progress in the past few weeks of handling myself well and keeping my distance from H. Now, Im back to the beginning and H hates me even more. I must admit..I also cannot get out of my mind the "you are fu*king ugly" comment spewed at me right in my face...very, very hurtful:(