I Cheated. She's Pissed!

[focusing-on-me]

The age gap has not affected our socialization. She is not a big socializer nor am I. We both prefer staying at home and just taking it easy. When I am on the road, my entire energy is devoted to getting back home as soon as possible. We both love being "settled" and living a settled life (something I have definetly screwed up)
She has not filed for D nor have I. We both wear our rings still, yet she beleives she will live a btter life in CA, 3,000 miles away from me. She wants enough money per month to "not have to worry about anything" (which means she does not want to work).
So here we are - both frozen as to what to do. If I gave her a big bucket of money she would probably pack and go, but she did lament to me "what if I can't make it on my own in CA, then what would I do." I just listened and validated. I know she is still very hurt and very angry w/ me. I am supposed to be her protector, husband, friend, provider, etc and yet I completely destroyed her trust and faith in me. I have always been faithful to her. I have never strayed from her simply becuase I was not interested in straying from her. Why I did it is competely idiotic. Only after reading so many pearls of wisdom on this board do I see clearly that I made a DECISION in that moment, and it was wrong. Decisions like that are absolutely ruinous, no matter how you try to rationalize it or justify it when the temptation comes knocking.
My time away from her has been very good for me. I hate the loneliness BUT I need to feel the pain I've casued and learn from it going forward, forever.
If we ever get back together, and it's a BIG IF, I am not sure things will ever be completely whole, happy, trusting, etc.
We already had issues BEFORE I stepped out on her. We just weren't addressing them. Those issues are for a whole nuther thread.