Trying desperately hard to be nice to H...asked him what he would like when he got home...said I know you don't want a meal ...as you usually have already eaten...what could I do to make you feel welcomed home? His response a very sarcastic...I don't know.
When I persisted...he said I know what I don't want...you've been doing a lot of yelling at son over homework..don't want to hear it... told him son had gotten grades back up so that was no longer an issue...
asked him if he would like a movie perhaps...NO..I wouldn't make it through a whole movie...I am tired when I get home from driving home four hours... asked if he wanted a bath drawn for him so he could take a bath and relax in the jacuzzi...NO RESPONSE
I say..I am just trying to find a way to make you feel welcome when you come home without me being controlling and doing what I think you would like...that is why I am asking you what you would like...but since you don't know..I guess I just won't do anything... I said that very calmly and quietly.
Then he says You have been thinking about this all day. I don't know. I don't know what I want... maybe just some peace and quiet. This is said in a very nasty tone of voice.
I said...Fine. (calmly not reacting) I will have S stay up until you get home and then he will say good night and go downstairs...I will leave you alone and you can have the house to yourself. You can have peace and quiet if that is what you want.
He says..S should be in bed it will be after ten anyway...I say S doesn't go to bed until ten thirty or eleven..he is twelve almost thirteen...not five...but he can go downstairs and watch tv in his room and I will find something to do and you can have your space.
Explained that I had been looking into the five love languages and explained that I now knew his language was different from mine and that I would like some help speaking it...said I thought he was acts of service and words of affirmation...he seems to need to be told how good the lawn looks or how nice a job he's done on the driveway, etc. and I am not so good at that and I know that it's hurt him and I want to change that...I know that he likes me being "domestic" so I had tried food as an indication of the fact that I loved him...but on the nights he first gets home he is not usually hungry.. Told him my languages were affection and gifts...I love to be touched and I love presents...small, big, etc.
His response? SEE...WE ARE OPPOSITES...JUST LIKE I'VE BEEN SAYING. Nasty tone, nasty attitude.
I didn't rise to the bait for the fight. I said...yes, most men and women according to what I have been reading are very opposite..so understanding that and accepting that is key to getting along better.
I didn't bite for the fight each time he tried to push my buttons.
I said...would you like to go bowling with us when you are home? He says yes. I joke ...are you going to kick our butts? Who's us? he asks...I tell him girlfriend and son, me and son. He says I don't know.
He yawns. I ask about his day, the weather, his dinner. He yawns again. I tell him to have a good day tomorrow...suggest it would be nice if he called me instead of me having to call him...he says yeah, ok, (but I get the sense that he will not call) I tell him I love him...there's a pause...he says I love you too..good night.
Aliens. Button pushing Aliens. ARGGGGGGGGH.
I think he is playing mind games with me again. Why? What is the use? What is the purpose? Why? I am not going to be the one who starts fighting again. He can start the fight if he wants it and fight by himself. I am dropping the rope. I am not going to play his game anymore. He is looking for an excuse not to come home or an excuse to leave home. If he wants to leave...he is going to have to take the responsibility for his actions squarely on his own shoulders...I am sick of him blaming me for his wrongdoings. I try to be nice...he is mean. I try to make amends..he is cruel. I try to make peace offerings..he throws them back in my face.
