My story - help please

[theUF]

Thanks chatterbug, you cut right to the point.
First off, I added some info in my signature, should have done it before but it slipped my mind.

To sum up, we are not married, she left and there is no R between us. We still have some contact, but no physical. IOW she has no spousal "obligations".

Next time follow through on your boundary.
If she texts OM or communicates with him in your presence.
Get up and leave. State why your leaving and leave.

Definetly, I will, and I will keep my calm while doing it.
She is free to talk to whoever she wants and do whatever she wants.
BUT, I don't have to be exposed to it. I can choose to stay away from it.
That's not me being angry, controlling or confronting. It's me looking out for me, right?

That you will no longer spend time with her period while the OM is in the picture.

(O)M being in the picture is out my control. She is free. I can choose to stay away from her as long as he is though, but for now I don't feel the need.

What are you giving ? You spending time with your cheating wife in a friendly civil manor. Your giving her money when you do not have to.

You gave at the first part of the marriage by explaining your work situation. She agreed to it.

Then she decided that was no longer good for her and went off and got OM.

So now your giving by trying to be in S's life and repair a broken marriage.

That is giving.

I wish she would see it the same way. And maybe she will. In the conversations I explained to her that :

Feelings don't just disappear.

I'm feeling hurt, angry, sad and frustrated all the time.

But I'm not letting my feelings get in the way of what is important. I'm being friendly, I'm meeting her halfway. I'm keeping S as my 1. priority.

You gotta see these emotional manipulation games for what they are.

To deflect her poor choices on to you and make it into what she says your poor choices are that excuses her current poor actions.


That is what that whole conversation was about.

You know, I didn't see it that way. But, it makes sense, complete sense. Thanks for putting things in perspective.

Perspective is really a key word.
It's easy to lose when feelings are involved.
My friend has R problems. I told him it's funny how I'm able to give him good advice because I see things in a neutral manner, but when dealing with my own R, I'm just as lost as he is.

She's been living with her parents til now, she called today and told me she found a place for her and S in my city. Just a couple minutes drive from me.
I don't know if it will have a positiv or negative impact on whatever might be left between us, but at least things are happening(no limbo). And S is closer.


Thanks again CB, I will keep contact for now. But if we meet up for whatever reason, and she spends her time contacting (o)M, I will leave.