Just wanted to stop by and say hi. I haven't posted here in a long time. Just been so busy with working, school and family life, I don't have time for anything anymore. Life seems good. We have our ups and downs, but thank God more ups than anything else.
I am pretty stressed out lately. Just too much on my plate and now I have to deal with the holidays. Fun, fun.
My husband told me yesterday that he was really happy now and that he feels that we are on the right track. I wish I could say that. I am not happy. I am sure he is happy, he does absolutely nothing. This is his life. He gets up and goes to work. He comes home, he changes his clothes and lays down on the bed and watch TV until it is time to put our daughter to bed. Meanwhile, I am the one taking care of our daughter, cooking dinner and the other chores. I have tried talking to him about this and he claims he is helping me. Am I blind?
It's been almost a year since I have posted here, now I am looking for some advice. It's been a year and half since my husband and got back together. Now I am finding myself thinking about leaving him. When he first moved back in, everything was okay. He helped me with our daughter and the house work. And now, I cannot get him to do anything. I have tried so many times to talk to him about this and he tells me that he will change and he knows he has been slacking lately. So it helps me more for a few days, then he converts right back to being LAZY. I feel like I am married to an over grown kid. How can I get him to open his eyes before it's too late?
No, we have not gone to counseling. I cannot seemed to find a good one. The last one we went to together did not help us at all. She tore us apart even more.
I tried communicate with him yesterday and he blew me off. He said that he did not have time for this and for me stop listening to the voices in my head. I didn't respond at all to him after that.
Right now, I am feeling really lost and how to handle things.
Now I am finding myself thinking about leaving him. When he first moved back in, everything was okay. He helped me with our daughter and the house work. And now, I cannot get him to do anything. I have tried so many times to talk to him about this and he tells me that he will change and he knows he has been slacking lately. So it helps me more for a few days, then he converts right back to being LAZY.
Very sorry to hear you're struggling! First I agree with MrBond that MC is an important part of piecing. The two of you need tools in learning more in-depth communication and you're not going to discover those tools on your own.
Also I think RetroV would be perfect for you, check and see if it's coming to your area anytime soon.
Regarding the fact that he's not doing anything around the house, don't assume he's being lazy. Something may be physically or mentally wrong with him. Encourage him (in the most loving way possible, do not nag!) to see his PCP and get a full physical and he should also get tested for depression. At his age if he's not active his T count is probably on the decline.
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I feel like I am married to an over grown kid. How can I get him to open his eyes before it's too late?
I really wish my W had gotten us into MC well before she checked out, because had I known she really wanted me to change and that our M was at stake I certainly would have done so. We did go to MC and I did hear what she was saying, but we needed that intermediary for me to fully understand. Unfortunately my W was done by the time we got to MC, so it saved me, but not our M. So that's my advice to you, get to MC before it's too late and let your H know that you're a borderline WAW and your marriage is at risk.
One thing I do not do is nag and he is aware of that I don't. I have asked him numerous times to go to his PCP and get physical and get his T count, but he refuses. I have also asked him to seek private counseling as well. Once again, he refuses.
One thing I do not do is nag and he is aware of that I don't.
You may think you don't, but...
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I have asked him numerous times to go to his PCP and get physical and get his T count, but he refuses.
That's nagging
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I have also asked him to seek private counseling as well. Once again, he refuses.
And so is that. I know you're probably trying really hard to communicate in your way, but men communicate in a completely different manner. His perception of what you are doing is that you are nagging him. Have you read the 5 Love Languages? That's a great book for learning to "get your way" through other means. And again, RetroV. It'll teach you how to really communicate your feelings with each other. You'll come out of it shocked at how poor your communication skills were up to that point even when you thought you were a great communicator.
After thinking about what you posted, I have to disagree with you about me nagging. Just because I mentioned something to him numerous times over a two year period doesn't mean I am nagging him. Maybe I should have clarified a time period. Nagging to me and maybe I am wrong, is if I was constantly telling to do something all the time. I am not that way. For example, I will ask him to take out the trash and he will say okay, however the trash is stilling sitting there 6 hours later. I don't ask or say anything about it, I just do it myself.
I do have the book of 5 love languages, but I have not read it yet. I am reading, Should I Stay or Should I Go. It was recommended to me by my therapist friend.
