So my I'm spending the night trying to figure out in my head how I am going to react to H leaving. I honestly don't even want to be here (if he does go) while he goes through his things.
Right now I say I don't want him back here, there's no good reason. Be his lighthouse, I can't even imagine that right now. I have been a saint giving him space and taking shi! quietly.
If he leaves I'm going to find my strong character I had when we met and not be afraid to challenge him at all!
So I'm back after an hour phone call from H. He opened up a lot like I mentioned in my last thread post. This is all fear...he admitted to being afraid of turning into his mother, alone in life not having achieved anything.
Boy, I hope she doesn't hear him say that she would smack his silly. She is strong and vibrant with lots of project in her life, and her church. The women walks faster than I do.
Anyways, I told him he could go, but I'm done tolerating ea than, so be prepared. I'm going to turn off the nice guy routine I've been on because now I won't have to take it any longer.
I don't know if that was right or wrong but I needed to lay some things out. He took it very well...again not trying to leave me...but I said I don't care, if you make ea an A, than the gloves are off. I have nothing to loose!
He actually said he would try to just come back to the family than...I said I don't know what that means, but you just better make sure your not trading one for another.
I'm going to tell him in the morning he's not ready and I don't want desperateness that brings empty promises. I am not in his way of finding himself, I am just making him aware of my boundaries I'm placing for me!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
