Making it work, for me

[sweetbabyred]

MIL had her surgery today. I'd asked H to keep me informed and found out a couple of hours ago that she did have lymphoma in her thyroid. They're not sure if they got it all out and she'll probably have to have chemo.

I really wasn't expecting that, so I'm kind of in shock. H is too and is driving back over night. It's about 6-7 hours, so I was worried about him.

H ended up calling me and we spoke for the first time in over a month. Apparently he's moving tomorrow, to a one bedroom apartment. I have no idea where and didn't want to pry too much. I do know that he signed a year lease.

He said he'd be filing for D as soon as he gets the money and that he was starting to get back to the person he knew. He's stopped partying and going out all the time. I didn't ask about OW and haven't checked his fb page in a week, but I'm pretty sure they're still together.

H said that he just wanted me to be happy and that he was surprised I hadn't already found someone else. I politely told him that I was still married, even if just on paper, and that I wouldn't think of looking for anyone until I was completely, officially divorced.

It just hurts that he thinks I could so easily replace him. And that he did so easily replace me. He said he sometimes thinks about me and just wants me to be happy. Maybe someday we'd be friends, but that would be my decision.

I'm sitting here crying, and trying to make myself realize that I just want us both to be happy. At least he's not drinking and doing most of the crazy behavior he was during the summer, so that's an improvement.

I guess it's just really hit me that he has this other life that I know nothing about. He's moving to an apartment and I had no idea and still don't know where it is. At least before I'd been to his friend's house and knew where he'd be.

I did tell him that I didn't want a D and never did, but if that's what he wanted, I understood.

I know it's a long long road, and he hasn't yet filed, so it's not completely over, but it's tough. It is less than $500 to file, so if he really was eager to be done, I'm sure he could come up with the money. On the other hand, he's got a girlfriend and nothing is stopping him from starting a new life, so it's not like he needs to rush with it. I'm the only one who won't have a new R without a D.