The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Today I went to visit my lawyer about the upcoming court date. We went over what will be in the final separation...mainly money, and visitation but there are also going to be things like:

H cannot bring kids around OW
H cannot drink around kids or have been drinking
H must cease these "adult companion" talks with D14
H must carry me on Insurance
Neither H or I will talk about other in front of kids

This was most of it. While I was there in her office, H's lawyer called and she took the call...they want to settle out of court, which will save me tons of money. So, as long as the monney looks right and the visitation too, and all the extras are in there..then I wont have to testify against H, which will be so much easier. I was really anticipating that.

Lawyer assured me that I will be taken care of financially either way, as H is still resuming relationship with OW and he needs to take care of us completely. Now prayers that I get the amount of money I need to pay all my bills and support my kids!

So, I didnt cry much today at all..big step from the past few days. It was better to get up and get going today..helped. Tomorrow I have IC and that will be nice also to vent and get some advice on moving on from H and OW.

D11 got text from H that he wanted to come by and see her costume tonight and help carve pumpkin. The last time he was here, he caused so much pain so I decided to tell her that he could not come over to carve the pumpkin. She started to cry and said that Daddy always does this with us, but I stuck to my guns. I may have made the wrong decision in some eyes, but honestly, I cannot let him just waltz in during the fun times only. I just think that when you walk away, you give up the fun stuff.

My D was fine in a few mins and we carved a wonderful pumpkin. Well, all the sudden, H is in the driveway! He texts D that he is there and she went outside to see him. He asked to see the pumpkin and I just was mad but stayed calm. It want complete, so instead he took the girls to 7-11 to get them slurpees and got the $20 each. H told them "if mom says Im bribing you, tell her I am". I am happy when he gives them money...its less I have to dish out! He brought them back and asked to come in and write me a check which I agreed to. He also asked if he could take kids out to dinner tomorrow night and I said yes. H asked for a picture of the costumes and kissed them goodbye.

I later found out that he had also texted D14 and said the he was thinking about coming back and staying one night a week here!! Can you beleive that??? D14 asked him if he is willing to give up OW and he responded NO, I knew it would be a bad idea.

My issues here are...why is he asking D11 to come carve pumpkin without asking me? If he had asked me, I could have said it wasnt a good time and it would have saved her from tears because it wouldnt have been an option. Also, why is he texting D14 that he was thinking this one night thing..Im the wife and the one who is head of the house...its not up to D. He really does have crazy thoughts sometimes:( I will say that is also in the court paperwork, that he has to go through me first.

It really upsets me to be around him now since the confession of love for OW and him calling my ugly. It makes me self consious to be in front of him now...and to make matters worse, when I was driving D14 to friends today, we were driving RIGHT BESIDE OW on the road. This was the first time I have ever run into her in our town:( She has personalized plates, so you cannot miss her.
She saw us...
This put me into anxiety mode...because the ugly thing is in my head and that she is better than me. I hated to have to see her....and no, she is no better than me in any way...but hard to see in my head now that he has said it:(

My head seemed to be in a little bit of a better place today. I actually told my neighbors across the street of my stich today. They are older than us, and have been so kind to us always. They live directly across the street and yes, they knew something was up because they saw H pack his car and he hasnt been here. They were sad and the man said " I always thought you guys were so good an set...you always were doing everything". I filled them in today and the wife pulled me aside and said to not give up...they had the same issue when her kids were young and he had an affair on her. She said to never say never, as they are happier than ever now:) What a nice story...wish mine would end that way...I wanted to badly to grow old with H.

I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween...my kids had a nice evening despite the fact that H was the one who always took them trick or treating. D14 went with friends to hang out, but D11 got candy and guess what? We made it through a holiday without H:)