Here's what I want to email him...I sent you those emails so you could see it is not just spam. Someone is taking my information and putting it into their system. It is another form of harrassment. I was not just randomly chosen to be put into a website like wordofmouth.com....it is a website that people use to talk about each other and it seems to me to harrass each other...as it let me know my info was in there...but won't give me any info without me paying for it...
I called my doc again and he said that obviously stepping down the meds is NOT helping me to stay calm through this. I am taking my meds regularly again. He said I need them. He said now is not the time for me to try and get off meds..with this going on in my life. You see, he believes me that someone is screwing with me.
The reason I get upset and start thinking it is you and that you have a girlfriend...is because you act like you don't care that this is being done to me and you don't act like you believe me. The Psychiatrist said it is perfectly normal for me to think it would be you...as it seems to be....but he knows I don't want to believe that and am trying to believe you..although you don't help matters much with your withdrawal and your anger directed at me. It's time we start fighting this together. That's what he said, too. I've been saying that over and over and don't feel like you are hearing me. He said if you are not behind all of this then you will stop being so mean to me and start to behave like you care....which would help me to stay calmer and not beep, email, and call you so much. He also said if you are behind it...you will continue to act mad at me, accuse me of making mountains out of mole hills, and keep exhibiting behaviour that makes you look guilty and makes you look like you are trying to hurt me. So, what is it going to be, Paul? Are you going to start acting like you care...or are you guilty? I don't know.....you say you are not guilty...but you ACT guilty. So, please stop it if you aren't guilty. The shrink knows what he is talking about...I believe that for sure. He's studied human behaviour for years. He said often times men who are cheating are mean to their wives out of a combined sense of anger and guilty...and that they lie about cheating, but get angry that wives' suspect. They want it to be secret so they can have their cake and eat it, too....keep their homes and their belongings, but have a girl friend on the side. Anyway, if you have a girl friend and she is doing this to me...tell her to stop. Tell her to leave me alone. Why do you want to go through all of this conflict? Do you enjoy it?
If you don't...then try to be nicer to me. Try to act like you care about what I am going through. Try to behave like a husband who loves his wife. I know you are still angry...but you could make an effort, just as I am trying to make an effort....if we both did ....it would be much more reassuring for me.
If you want me to go to the hospital for a week or so, I will go....to get the meds back up to speed...or corrected or whatever. You have got to watch S for me though....I can't do anything to really help myself right now because I have to be here for him.. although I am not all the great for him right now...at least I am here and he's getting fed every night...sometimes just barely...but he says I am not crazy and that someone is doing this stuff to me, too...and he's been here to see it.
I want this all to stop. I can't work. I can't think. I am getting depressed to the point of just wanting to try sleeping all day to not have to deal with what's going on around me.
I need you to come home and help me with this. If you could tell me you were going to do that...everything would be much easier for me to get through. I could believe that you cared enough to help me. You said that you cared...so please start to act like you care.
You want me to be stronger and to think for myself. Well, I am trying. But when I think about what I need to be stronger...it is support from you....not you fixing things, but you caring about me. I would like some HELP....not you taking over and doing everything and controlling everything, but some help figuring out what to do....I would like to work on this together as a married couple. Which means you need to pitch in and help, too.
I love you and want this to work...I want the conflict to end. Your wife.
Any thoughts? Any editing? Any help? I think if I email him one last time...I could stop calling...but I need help with the email...
