I remember when I hit rock bottom, I still remember Opt's post, okay this is bad, this is as bad as it gets, from now on we just work and make it better. And through my tears, I knew she was right.
This is going to be hard, but change is hard. This isn't an easy process. He is giving you some great insight into how he is feeling. He feels trapped. Don't you want him to come back because that is what he wants in his heart? I think for this to be the case you need to give him the chance to miss you, the chance to realize what he is giving up. But by calling him and being needy, he isn't getting the chance to remember all the good in you, he is just seeing the needy parts of you.
It seems the first thing you could do is stop calling and beeping him. I know it is hard, I can't tell you how many times I reached for the phone, I wanted to hear his voice. Come on the BB, go into the chat room, they are great places to support your decision. You are at AA, that had to be a hard thing to do, but you did it and are so much better for it.
You have the strength to do this, I can see it in your posts to others, dig deep and find it. Turn this into a story you are writing, pour your heart out on paper when you want to reach out to him. Make yourself strong before you try to make your marriage strong again. As much as we want, we can't reverse the process.
