I have. Basically, as I said, I am actively avoiding him. I've been reading that book after the affair. Looking at it objectively right now I am not sure I want to remain in the relationship. I am feeling less angry than I have in the past. I dunno. Maybe it's another cycle. Maybe not. Maybe things ARE settling and I am figuring out he isn't worth it. I have no idea. I just want to be left alone. I have said repeatedly I didn't feel done. I do more so now. Not sure why or what has changed. I think really I just feel there is NO hope. As in zero. Combine that with the whole back with his one true love and I AM done. I can't explain it well. I sort of wish I cared more. At this moment in time I don't so much. I don't want his mixed signals and BS so he can manipulate me into giving in to what he wants. He has had enough go his way. Now I am doing it my way and he is finally going to get the cut off wife he claimed he always had. Maybe that sounds angry but honestly I don't feel angry. Just tired of the whole situation and his drama. Now tomorrow I may feel differently. I hope in some way I do. In another way, I am glad to not be in the intense pain I was. I'm glad I don't feel as worthless and unlovable as I did initially. I am strangely at peace right now.

It's a pain in the ass, I don't want to deal with it but I'm going to be fine and I will deal with it. Right now, he doesn't see anything wrong with the situation and has no intention of changing or trying to change. Why in the world am I wasting even more energy on this? I am feeling ambivalent. Frankly I am feeling honest and true detachment. lol It's a glorious thing! Yesterday, that whole conversation was so bizarre that I really thought to myself that I am insane to even listen or tolerate it any more.
He hung up on me. Normally, I would have called back and we would have continued to go back and forth and back and forth. Or I would have texted something nasty. I didn't do any of that. Then today, I would have waived, I would have answered and been nice. The whole look how wonderful I am thing. lol I didn't and I didn't mind. I didn't have the anxiety or remorse from not talking. I had relief. Then I actually felt bad for letting D12 answer. I should have just ignored him and all his stupidity and let it go to VM. I can assure you the next time I will.
The other thing is I feel like I have finally come down off this insane ride. I am exhausted. I was yesterday too. I was in bed before 10 last night and likely will make it before 9 tonight.

So whatever it is. I am enjoying it. :-) Good night.