Riding the Bull

[25yearsmlc]

Arsene

I did NOT mean that her new peeps would be intentionally checking you out OR that they'd necessarily be men. Aren't any of them female?

I'm just saying that when she has a new friend who is not a threat to you, it is an opportunity of sorts. Try to see it that way.

I don't see how that would be doormatish at all, but maybe we are envisioning different types of events.

[chatterbug]

Arsene. There is an old saying

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone

[chatterbug]

There is another saying

I never put off till tomorrow what I can possibly do - the day after

[chatterbug]

One is leading. One is limbo.

[Arsene]

I was pretty sure my comment and follow up question would raise a ruckus, and I wasn't wrong! Thanks for your answers everyone, they make sense. I especially like the point of not setting up an unhealthy, round about communication channel. As always, best wishes Arsene.

Thanks FY. Keep'em coming. I love to see the full range of opinions around here. Each of our sitches are different and therefore call for different actions. Seeing a comment, and it rebuttals is often helpful in the decision process.

AT, all good points mate. The key for now is detachment. Thanks for the different perspective on things and even if W wonders why or how I can manage to do what I'm doing in the given circumstances, IMO it still shows strength. I try to stay positive, I also try not to expect too much of my perception of the ongoing events, because so far, it is just that, a perception. I will try to keep my head down a bit more though. Thanks.

25, I never meant that you had implied W's mates would be checking me out but it's the way I feel. It will likely be a man as W doesn't need a singer and there aren't many female musicians around. It's probably a pianist or a guitarist.

I actually would love to meet her other friends (new or otherwise) as I know that they would wonder why she is leaving me. I just want to avoid possible mates of OM.

CB, you've been telling me for a long time. Don't think I don't listen. I'm just not there yet. Thanks for keeping an eye on me, mate.

[Arsene]

A bit tough when I got home today. It's my 47th Birthday tomorrow and I frankly was hoping it would just go unnoticed but tonight, D8 was so excited about it and even asked me if I was having a party. At first I said that I wasn't and she got all sad. This affected me quite a bit.

It's not getting older, it's getting older without my W. She used to tell me she wanted to be the first one to die so she wouldn't have to be the one left behind. That's the way I feel now. I'm the one left behind.

Anyway, I managed to shake the feeling and a few minutes later, I asked D8 why she wasn't ready yet. She looked surprised and asked me where we were going so I told her we had a pre-birthday date me and her. That got her happy again. I took her to some food fair nearby and after some of her favorite food, we went on the bumper cars. We had a good laugh.

I just put her to bed and after our prayer, she asked me about God. I told her what I thought and asked her what she thought. She said that to her, we were all praying the same God, and all the people in the world should be together instead of fighting.

I told her she was a clever girl but she told me that sometimes she didn't think she was. She eventually opened up and told me how a friend at school is always putting her down and making her feel stupid. I listened and validated her feeling and she talked about it for quite some time.

I don't think my D8 would ever have talked to the old me that way. I hate that it had to happen the way it did, but I'm glad that I am the person I am today.

[tori2012]

Arsene, you're doing great. It's amazing how many people are supporting you and care about you! It took me a while to catch up on your sitch.

Your daughter is a smart and sweet little girl. She's a blessing. And now you two can deepen your connection. That's the fortune in this misfortune.

Sorry about you feeling sad on your b-day. I'd feel the same way. You thought your W would be with you for the rest of your lives, and now she's behaving the way she's behaving.

My 2-cents: I think a shift is happening in her soul. Don't know if the shift will be strong enough to make her stop the A and "come to her senses," but there is definitely a shift.

I agree with everyone that you do need to take the focus away from her, at least to some extent. I know it's not easy. I know. But you must do this to preserve your sanity.

Happy birthday.
((()))

[Arsene]

My 2-cents: I think a shift is happening in her soul. Don't know if the shift will be strong enough to make her stop the A and "come to her senses," but there is definitely a shift.

I agree with everyone that you do need to take the focus away from her, at least to some extent. I know it's not easy. I know. But you must do this to preserve your sanity.

Happy birthday.
((()))

I agree with you Tori, something is happening in her but how strong it is I can only guess. Nonetheless,it's a baby step so I try to stay positive.

Yes, I know. I need to get my focus back on me and D8. I can feel myself slipping away and it's not good for PMA.

Thanks Tori

[figure-it-out]

Hi Arsene,
Happy "pre-birthday" to you (since you're celebrating and all) What an awesome thing you did for your D (and for you) sounds like a memory that she will never forget and I bet when her birthday rolls around you'll be asked out on a pre-birthday date to celebrate that.
You're doing great. Keep the focus where it belongs. You're wife would be crazy not to be a part of this great new life you're creating.

[Arsene]

Thanks FIO. Thank God for the little one. She woke me up with happy Birthday card and all. I was not in the mood fro this but heck I made myself be, and now I am. I'm going to have a nice day after all.