Secondly, it really does help to try and enjoy yourself in some small way without your H. It puts the focus back on you, that you are not a worthless person, that YOU matter! When others around you seek your company, enjoy your company, it offers confirmation that you are worth knowing and liking and loving and spending time with. Never lose sight of that fact. So enjoy yourself whenever you can, with your friends.
Another suggestion - just ignore any call to your phone if you are not there to take it. What does it matter who called? If someone gets through to you, then fine, if not, and they don't leave a message, let it go. You can't afford to get worked up over every little mystery!
For a long time we used to get faxes calling our number here, as the previous 'owners' of our number must have been some kind of business. In the early days right after bombshell, when I was alone at home, I would get call after call after call, even in the middle of the night, which just had that blasted fax tone ringing... When I was so desperate to hear form my H, this seemed like persecution, but I just had to get a grip.
I suggest from what I have read on your thread now that you give your H some breathing space. If he doesn't ring you, forget it. He might get to the stage of wondering what's up when he doesn't hear from you. If you think that is TOO hard, ration yourself to one call every three days or whatever. SOMETHING Less than you are doing at present will make a difference.
Lastly, whatever happens, I believe your husband, as the present breadwinner, cannot completely cut you off financially, am I right? Especially when you have a son. You need to be firm but courteous over this issue. Maybe get some legal advice on this, without telling H.
Hope this helps a little. I know what you are going through, and can tell you that things do improve with time and patience and working on yourself! Be strong enough to survive with or without him! You are a writer! Get published! Get paid! Get kudos!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
