Went to girlfriend's for breakfast. Was gone a few hours. Got back and caller id says H's name and unknown number. When he calls from work it always says unknown caller, unknown number.
What the ?
Did he get a cell phone? Did he get a phone somewhere? What is going on?
Alaskangal - I would not try to read anything into the change in your caller ID - look at the positive. For whatever reason - he called you. Also, the fact that you were not there to answer it created a little bit of mystery.
I beeped him and asked for an explanation of the caller id thing. He says he did not call and does not know what I am talking about...he says he will get a restraining order against this Don R. who has been harassing us...but there is not enough evidence...
He says this stuff always happens when he is away and that it doesn't bother him as much as it bothers me. He's right...but what hurts the most is that it doesn't phase him that I am about to have a nervous breakdown over all of this. There was a car in front of our house at 1 am last night..when I noticed it and turned on a light...it took off and raced out of our neighborhood.
I feel like I am being stalked and no one cares. I am tired, frightened and sad....
I have the name and number on my caller id...need to get a disposable camera to take pictures when things like that car happen....to prove to him this is all really happening...I think he thinks I am making it up.
I can not take much more.
The fact that he doesn't seem to care how much this upsets me makes things even worse.
I feel alone and victimized and afraid. I feel like running away...I am so confused.
I am trying to believe him when he says it is not him....but it's hard ... if you don't know abot the sitch with Don R. read my other thread...getting a d...I think it was...that explains it.
I'm crying. I don't know what to think or believe. He says he had nothing to do with the phone call but it has his name on the caller id....
He doesn't care what this is doing to me. Maybe he really does hate me and want to push me over the edge...I doubt myself more and more...am I crazy for wanting to believe him? am I crazy for not believing him? Am I just crazy?
What about talking to your doctor again? I really wonder if part of the emotions at this point are medically related.
I know you have lots going on, but I just know when I was having trouble with my meds that the thinking was so screwed up I couldn't think straight at all and just sat and cried.
Take care.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
It is not the meds. He is stepping me down from them slowly.
It is coming home and finding his name and unknown number on my caller id and then him denying knowing anything about it. It was done during his lunch time, too.
I give up. I can't take anymore. He can have his divorce. I can't handle this...I feel like I am losing my mind and the pain is just too great. I don't know what or who to believe anymore...including myself.
I am not going to let this bother me anymore tonight. F him. I am going to get dressed up and go out and enjoy my friends and the band and have a good time. I have a cute outfit to wear, am gonna do my hair, and my make up and go cut loose a little...wooohooo me and my seven ups are gonna go do something for me.
Here is what I just emailed him about the whole sitch today... I am getting out of this house. I am going to watch that band with Trish and Hans. I am going to get dressed up, do my hair, and go cut loose on seven ups.
I need to do something for me to take my mind off of all of this crap. That may not seem like a solution to you..but to me it is a good one. I can not sit here and feel like a victim waiting for the next phone call or car...and then when I try to tell you about it and how it makes me feel...have you tell me that I am overreacting and that it is always something with me. I don't make these phone calls. I don't do these things to myself. Have you ever thought of going and talking to Don and telling him to leave us the hell alone?
Or is that too much to ask? That my husband would want to stop all the things that are making me feel so upset. You want to go to the cops...go. What are they going to do anyway? Nothing.
I am not getting rid of the caller id. That is just dumb. The caller id is not the problem...whoever is calling here is the problem.
I love you and if you feel like I am taking this out on you ...I am sorry about that. You are right..you don't ever deal with any of this....so you don't get bothered by it. It's not the same for me, though. I have to deal with this crap all the time...and now, even though I had the phone number changed...it's starting again. How do you think that makes ME feel? I'll tell you...helpless. And I feel pretty alone when you just get angry with ME instead of getting angry at whoever is doing this. I want us to work through this together...but that means you have to try and understand how all of this makes me feel Paul. You said you needed me to believe in you..and I am doing that. What I am upset about is that I need you to be supportive of me and care about what all this does to me...and you don't come across as caring to me. You come across as blaming me for the problem. I love you. Call before seven thirty if you are going to call..otherwise I'll be out. Colleen
Take a few deep breaths...your emotions are all over the place...NOT a great time to make any kind of important decisions.
Sure your doc is taking you of these meds, but if his diagnosis is correct, there are other meds that are needed to help with the mood swings, the impulsiveness, the "rawness"...I once heard it described like this: the person with BPD has emotional skin that 90% open, like a major burn, and thus any uspet,threat, criticism, causes MUCH more pain than it would for some others.
Have fun tonight on your 7-ups (though some soda and a twist of lemon and you'd have my drink)...dance your tush off...let some of this emotion OUT!!!
