Hugs, NG. You know that we all love and support you here. Just breathe. This is all transient. You will feel better and worse. It's all cyclical. You can still love your wife and hold the same view of your M. (((())))
i came home today to the D papers. they were in the mail. they have been filed with the court. this is actually happening. why am i in such shock? i am so very sad tonight. you would think i would be ready by now for this, but i obviously am not. i am in shock and so incredibly sad.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. It stinks but it is normal. The process has started and I would suggest staying as DARK as possible from now on. She knows how you feel and she feels she needs that CONTROL right now. Some of them need to divorce in order to move forward. I wish I could wave my hand and make you feel better but the only thing I can say is that it is not over yet. What has your lawyer told you about the provess from here forward? My opinion is to make your wife do the work and do not make anything EASY for her. She needs to EARN her DIVORCE, some can do it and some can not.
It is not over until YOU say it is. Even if you get divorced, it is not over TBH. My understanding is that 5 years from now she will regret this. I know that is a long time, but that is the way this seems to work.
(((((HUGS))))) NG, you are going to be alright, even though the YANKEES choked in the playoffs.
I am sorry to hear that. I know it isn't any consolation to you, but I do know how you feel. There are papers filed in our case too. We can get through this together.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Thanks unbidden, busting, grateful and cadet for your support. I have been sad and numb today but hope that tomorrow is better. I am trying to think of it as another test of who i have become and another opportunity to grow. (thank you zig)
Cadet, I have a question for you... how do i know when it is best to stay dark or to act as if/display my changes? i ask now bc W has some things to drop by the house.. she asked if she should just leave them in the garage bc that is what i requested last time.
i know one of the big qualifiers is probably if i would be able to act as if.... and i would need to think long and hard on that answer... but if i were, how do you know when it is best to do so and when it is best to stay dark?
this question comes up for me bc i was just reading J3B's advice to busting on her bootcamp about showing H her changes and then stepping away...
thank you.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Aw, grace. I just dropped in and saw this. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You are such a kind and thoughtful person and you deserve such happiness. That's why I KNOW that great happiness is in your future. It may not seem that way right now but this may just be the very PATH to it.
Another path may have led to something not as great.
(((((NG)))))
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Cadet, I have a question for you... how do i know when it is best to stay dark or to act as if/display my changes? i ask now bc W has some things to drop by the house.. she asked if she should just leave them in the garage bc that is what i requested last time.
MHO is that you will know with your intuition, if you dont know then best to do nothing. Trust yourself and dont think that there is only one opportunity, there will be many more down the road.
Seeing how you are NG. I love you and am thinking about you (((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thank you SS for your kind words and tbh I am actually starting to believe them
Thank you Cadet for your advice. As always your words are golden.
Bug and Busting, you are two of my rocks. Thank you.
JOURNAL
After a few tough days, the sun is starting to shine again and it is shining much brighter than before the D papers. I think there is a relief in being out of the limbo. It may not be the answer i wanted, but it is an answer and it allows me to regroup and move forward mentally..
I am detaching more and more... peeling off the layers, and finding more confidence in who i am each day. i have decided that i am a person very worth knowing and loving and if W can not see that... then that is on her..
i am also being honest with myself about my issues in the M.. and learning more each day. i realized that i was attracted to her due to a feeling of safety.. and that i allowed that feeling of safety to hold me back from taking emotional risks.. and that impacted our intimacy. i wish we could have worked through those issues and hers as well... but that is not in my control and will have to wait until my next R.
W texted me last week asking about her going ahead with scheduling the demo and picking up the white subway tile for the investment condo shower that needs to be done.. i texted back "Sure. go ahead."
Then I got this in an email from W, "If you want to shop together for the tile I am fine with that to. I just didn't know if you want to see me or not."
Now, white subway tile IS white subway tile... nothing to really pick out there. I thought that was a strange email. As SD says, isn't that interesting?
I responded, "Whatever you wish. If I can be helpful, let me know. Have a great weekend."
I am not playing a game or seeking a reaction in saying the above... I am detaching...
It is funny... the turning point was a visit to my hairstylist (best therapy i have had recently!)... we were talking about meditation and social responsibility and how we treat others.. and i was keenly aware that there are good healthy people in the world and possibilities to enjoy my life and all my Rs
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
