Still together but trying to save this

[Denver_2010]

hi fuanacdc,

i got the same speech about being controlling about money. i have realized that there is some truth to it.. but also that i felt responsible for our financial security bc W would abdicate it to me.

she did not want to look at bills, investments, our financial plan... so i ended up feeling overly responsible for our security and she ended up considering me controlling. i get my role in it all and that is all i can do...learn and grow..

btw, sometimes it seems like we are all M to the same woman


((((( )))))))

You can add me to that group as well. Listen, I came to the conclusion that men and women view and communicate issues of money differently. I know that I am generalizing and that there are exceptions, so I apologize if that offends any women here. I don't mean to. But I do think that it is generally true.

What I have found going through what I have gone through for the past 2 years with my S and now with piecing, is that the best solution is to communicate better. I think that women tend to develop poor opinions of us regarding money and finances when we don't include them in the decision making. We all want to feel that we are a 50% partner to our M's. I know for me, I was like NG, I basically took control over it because it seemed that my W was not interested. It is probably true that she wasn't... but she still wanted to feel that she 1) knew what was going on with our finances, and 2) that she had a role in making decisions.

Communication.

Since we began piecing, I talk to my W about everything that is going on with our finances. We don't always agree unfortunately, but I think that is the nature of the beast. We are partners and have to figure out what are the right decisions for 'us'.