Yesterday after her last text about not being sure if she'd be home even with power we have no more contact until she picks me up. Everything is upbeat and no kids in the car so I'm 99% sure she isn't going to be at home. We are chatting and she's telling me stuff and we are laughing at some things we see along the way home. At one point I ask if she's staying home and she gives me a weird look and I'm aloof about it and she chuckles and jokes about having strange ppl watch the kids in the house. She says I make her laugh and explains that her grandma (who had been giving her grief the entire time the storm was coming and striking) was still giving her grief so she's staying there to shut her up and make her happy; she also thinks a big part of it is that grandma is lonely which she had already expressed to me. She tells me she'll be home in the morning after dropping off the kids for school.

Yeah, it grates my nerves b/c not long ago when she was trying to prove to me that she was committed to our R she was telling me, "I come home to you every night, I sleep in bed with you every night" and now it's the reverse.

So anyway, I don't get upset or argue or reason or beg or anything, I just go with the flow and take it for what it is.

This morning she would have dropped the kids off by about 8am and it's a little after 9am when she finally walks through the door. I had to fight some very bad thoughts b/c I figured it shouldn't have taken her that long to get home, I'm worried maybe she's seeing another guy or something. I start repeating DB rules to myself, that I can't snoop, worry, and I can't ask any questions about her whearabouts, no matter how hard it is I can't ask.

I've shaved and showered and got myself looking and smelling good. I'm starting some bacon and I'm cheerful when she walks in and ask her how she is. Yup, looks like she's gotten a shower and she's dressed and doesn't have any of her bags so I start wondering again but I DON'T ask any questions...I keep reminding myself that her grandma probably let her use the shower and not some more terrible thought of being with a guy...I think my brain is messed up sometimes.

She says she's hungry so I tell her I was just getting breakfast started for US. We eat and she's texting and on the phone, I'm making sure that I don't keep looking over and stuff like that, just going about my business and letting her go about hers. It's time to go and we are chatting in the car.

She says how she has to get her homework done tonight. Now I'm wondering why she can't get it done during the day b/c she didn't have any of the kids walking through the door. So I say, "the baby is at daycare, right?" and she says yes so I say, "oh, thought you could get it done during the day, I know you have your appointment..." and she starts saying how she has to go to the bank for her grandma, go to Wal-Mart for baby formula after her WIC appointment, and has to go to the kids school. I ask about the school and she says it's b/c they claim she owes money so she has to find out what's going on. I'm sympathetic to this, just "geez, that [censored]". I asked about that b/c I'm trying to show interest in the kids b/c that is very important to her and that's what the "old me" was like.



Here's where I'm not sure if I was backsliding or still doing a good detached 180...

As we get closer to my work she starts opening up info again around me. She's talking about all of these appointments she has and how she's just trying to keep up on everything and I'm just like, "yeah" "ok" "hmmm"...

She brings up this birthday party next Sat and figures out that she won't have the the two older kids and will need to check with her brother about watching the baby. She says, "...this f**king birthday party so people get off my ass about not seeing me" so it doesn't sound like she really wants to go, she just wants to shut people up like with her grandma. I'm really not saying much b/c inside I'm pissed...once again, next Sat when she doesn't have the kids she'll be taking off for the night without me...I know I have no control over it and if I try I'm going to mess up the little bit of effort I've put in.

Then she switches to telling me about how she's been hearing all of this crap about her sisters domestic situation and she doesn't have a lot of sympathy for her b/c of her sisters actions. Also, Mon night during the storm she had been telling me how she was fighting with some of her friends. I'm trying to take the positive from this stuff that if she's feeling stressed b/c of friends & family instead of me, the focus isn't on me anymore. It's more like the early days when she would vent to me about her friends & family and I was just there listening to her, not criticizing or trying to fix anything.

She drops me off and when I get inside I check my calenar. I don't have anything planned for next Sat so I think to myself, "what would the 'old me' do?" The "old me" would want to help her and help reduce her stress with trying to plan things. So I text her, "Just looked at my calendar. The 10th is next Sat. Is the bday party just that night? I'll watch the baby for you." She responds after a few mins, "Thanks my brother will".

So now I'm thinking, "crap, did I just backslide? Was that not the proper 180? [censored], I bet she's going to be gone most or all of Sat night and that's why she doesn't want to answer me. Is she lying to me again? Is she going to the bar with her friends or out with some guy? Should I just have not said a word about it?" So I'm getting really upset and trying to focus on work and stop thinking about this b/c there's nothing I can do about it, anything else I try at this point is going to make matters worse. I keep reminding myself that maybe she just doesn't want to make me feel like she's taking advantage of me, she expressed that concern a week ago when I had given her some money for grocery shopping so maybe she just doesn't want to give me a reason to complain that she's "using me and walking all over me".

So I decide my best option at this point is to not respond at all. I remember someplace in DB saying that when you're unsure of how to act, do nothing. So I don't respond to that text, not even with an "ok". Since I don't respond after a few mins I get a text from her, "They don't see her a lot". I still have not responded to that and I have a lot of ppl in the store, so I don't even have to lie and say that it got busy at work if/when I finally respond.


So here's my question, that whole interaction after I said I'm not sure if I backslid or not, did I backslide? Was me offering to watch the baby without her asking a good 180 considering I'm trying to be that supportive friend, father-figure, guy she first met?

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln