Chasing Ghosts

[Denver_2010]

Thanks for the edit Denver I appreciate it! I am not ready to give this to her yet but feel it's only a matter of time. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to give me advice and read my sitch. It does make you feel like your not alone. I have been reading your sitch and have made it to February of 2011. Sometimes I laugh reading your thoughts especially how it feels like we are on a roller coaster. A roller coaster from hell. I love the Lighthouse story and plan plan on keeping that with me.

Oh hell! You're only up to Feb of 2011?? LOL!! That's only the beginning! ahhh... good times

You're welcome. I had so many people help me through my stuff. I don't know what I would have done without those people. I'm trying to pay it forward.

[Beardown]

W called last night and asked if I wanted to go Trick or Treating with her and S. If it weren't for seeing her OM Saturday night I would have my hopes up so much more. It seems everyday she is calling, or asking me over for dinner. Question is, is she at a point where she is done with the M and is thinking we are just friends now? I don't want to be friends, I want my wife. This is exactly why I feel I need to give her my boundaries. I guess if W has OM over at the house one more time I HAVE TO set my boundaries. Just rambling here. At least I get to see my S 5 out of the 6 days I normally wouldn't get to see him. Happy Halloween everyone.

[Beardown]

Hey Denver,
I think you must have been a writer or a poet in a previous post. You could write a best seller on your story and I know tons of people would read it!

[Arsene]

You're welcome. I had so many people help me through my stuff. I don't know what I would have done without those people. I'm trying to pay it forward.

And that you are my friend. Glad to have you on board as well.

Beardown,

I envy you your determination. This type of boundaries is something I've been thinking about for some time now but I still think my sitch calls for something else at the moment.

If things start stagnating though, and it turns out W is just stringing me along, I think I might have to follow in your footsteps.

That edit from Denver sounds really good.

Cheers mate!

[Beardown]

What do you think I should do? Email her the letter expressing my boundaries or try memorizing it and tell her face to face?

[Beardown]

I have thought about my letter some more and think I am going to hand write the letter and give it to her on Sunday when I pick S up. W clearly needs to see my boundaries and that while the relationship is going on W I will not be there for her.

Arsene
I will follow up on your sitch. It would be nice to bounce things off each other while we are going through this!

[Denver_2010]

Hey Denver,
I think you must have been a writer or a poet in a previous post. You could write a best seller on your story and I know tons of people would read it!

I've actually thought about it!

Thanks for the kind words. You too Arsene.

[Denver_2010]

What do you think I should do? Email her the letter expressing my boundaries or try memorizing it and tell her face to face?

Ideally, you want to tell her face to face. Starsky would definitely advocate that.

I gave the speech multiple times... face to face, over the phone, text, email... LOL I don't think that the mode of communication matters all that much.

The important thing is that you are able to say what you need to say without interruption, and without becoming emotional.

If a letter is going to allow you to do that, then I'd say do that.

Accept the invite for tonight. IMO. Give her one more opportunity to see what she is giving up.

[Beardown]

I went to S halloween parade at school and stood with FIL and SIL. W showed up and began showing pics of her halloween costume. I didn't ask to see them just stood behind them watching for the kids to walk by. Before I knew it she scooted behind her dad so she could show me the pics. It's amazing how this stuff works. I knew she was going to show me before she even walked over to show me the pictures. When she talked I looked right into her eyes all focus on her. When S walked through I said I will see you guys later I have to get back to work.

I have always taken S trick or treating so I will be there tonight. I plan on being happy and make conversation with FIL and S but not initiate any conversation with W. If W starts a conversation I will listen intently.

[Beardown]

Arsene

My W has made it easy for me to set my boundaries. Having seen first hand what her and OM are up to makes me want to set these boundaries so I will no longer be hurt by her actions. Easier said than done but I have been dealing with this pain for so long and know that this is the only thing keeping me from truly being the husband I want to be. After Mondays visit I felt something different. I didn't feel like she had that spell on me anymore. I wasn't nervous, or scared, I was confident and finally realize after months of saying it but not believing it, that I can live happily without her. Do I want this marriage to work, more than anything in this world! But after years of neglecting my happiness I know now that I need to respect myself first. I realize tomorrow I may feel like a puddle again but as time goes on these days are growing less and less. Looking back I was confident when W and I first met and maybe that's the man she has been looking for.