I'm glad that others have chimed in here, to let you know that being a "ball of emotion" can be a perfectly normal thing for you right now. Keeping a check on these feelings can be so tough, and so overwhelming at times. It really makes it difficult to keep your focus on what you want, and can make it hard to really decide what it is that you want.
It seems pretty obvious to me that you DO still love him, or else you wouldn't be having such difficulties with what you're going through right now, is that correct? Maybe there's just a lot of frustrations about how your marriage is going right now, which is perfectly understandable. Things seem to be on the fence, and look to you like they could go either way.
One of the things that helped me the most during times like these was making a "decision" to put my thoughts of divorce off to the side. Not really to "never" divorce, but to put that decision off until "next week". And then the next. I noticed that while I was sitting on the fence, and kept focusing with the "daily" and hourly thoughts of what I was going to do, my feelings about it kept bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball.
During each week that I decided that "divorce was not an option" (at least not until next week, anyway! ), it became easier to focus on working my small goals, and seeing that even though things weren't exactly where I wanted them to be, there was some progress being made. Maybe not always in the way that I had envisioned, but there was some positive change going on, nonetheless.
You've come a long way, my dear, and are well versed in what it takes to take things "one day at a time". Try to use these skills to decide to take your thoughts of divorce maybe one week at a time, take any thoughts of divorce off the table for just this one week, and see if this might help you.
Quote: And in true DB form I must ask....what are your specific goals for the next 9 days?
Yes, that's where I would go next, too!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
), it became easier to focus on working my small goals, and seeing that even though things weren't exactly where I wanted them to be, there was some progress being made. Maybe not always in the way that I had envisioned, but there was some positive change going on, nonetheless.
