I must agree with Shiny and Sad-and-Lonely. They have put it in a nutshell. We have all felt everything that you are feeling right now and you are feeling everything that your husband has felt.
Most of the time we are allowed to feel these feelings in order to understand where the other person is coming from. That is how we develop compassion for the other person. If you never felt what they were feeling, how could you understand where they were coming from.
I can guarantee you that before he left and said the things that he said he felt the very same way you are feeling now. He just didn't know how to come out and say it.
The reason for the dbing is to help you change and help you to see what you were doing in the relationship that helped to bring it where it is. We all have a hard time looking at ourselves. Then when we do see what we were doing and change it, we automatically expect them to just come running back. We know that we are making changes and we finally got what they have been trying to tell us, but we forget that it took us how long to figure out what we were doing. It took them how long to get to the point where they are at now and then overnight we want them to return and work through everything that they have been going through.
It doesn't work that way as much as we would like it too. We have to give them time and ourselves time. The problem with it is, is if they were to come back as soon as we figured out what we did, what is to say we wouldn't go back to the same old routine. We have to make the changes perminant. Then we have to give them the time to trust those changes and then make their own.
I would love to have my husband back right now, but he is not ready and the Lord isn't finished with him yet. If he were to come back right now, we would probably end up here again because he has not completely healed. Without being completely healed, then he has not let go of all of his resentment. Just as you have not let go of all of yours. Then if I were to do something that reminded him and brought all those feelings back, then we would be right back here again.
As much as you would like things to go back to what they were before all of this happened, they never will. Your relationship is going to change. It is going to become stronger, but you have to be patient in order to get there.
All the anger and everything that you are feeling inside, has to come out and has to be dealt with, but not while he is there. Then to him it would just be more of the same behavior that you had before. You are trying to show him that you have changed. Well, you are starting to change and become a better person, but it is going to take time and patience to get there.
So give yourself some time and just work on you and what you are feeling. Get all the resentment and bitterness out. Learn to forgive him for the things that he has done and remember the things that both of you have done is a reaction to the things that we around you during that time.
