I know it was ultimately my choice but I got caught up in the thinking on that site and was on the forum and they told me to dump her. It's what led to me changing the locks to kick her out.
After reading the book, being on the forum, and reading more of the blog I think there's some good ideas for more stable R's. If you can be the nice guy with an edge I think it'll work. I do think the alpha descriptions there make sense.
I THOUGHT I was alpha but I was controlling. House had to be my way, use my table, had to know her plans all the time, and such. She felt controlled even though I was "beta" financially and tried to tell me she felt controlled, but I wasn't listening. They're focused on sex but in some ways similar to DB. They advocate taking care of yourself and not chasing your partner, just use different terminology.
In a way, I think we needed the blow up of me locking her out. She was faced with no financial support and spurred her to action. I've made the commitment to work on the R no matter how crazy it seems. I'm trying to pull her in and unlike the guys who left her in the past I'm now not acting the way she expects. She is doing stuff for me/the R b/c she's friendlier, talkative, sharing with me b/c I'm not grilling her for info, we did household grocery shopping with her food stamps, and she cooked me dinner and spent days/nights with me. All of these things are moving in the direction of my goals and some are my baby steps/small victories.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
