Hi AKgal, I haven't posted to you in forever but I have to put my 2 cents in on this. Maybe it will help, I hope so. I deal with these feelings of resentment and anger ALOT! In my sitch I really have to rely on my faith...it is the only thing that helps at times.
First I have to tell myself, I have a big part in the way the R has deteriorated. Yes, H is just as guilty, but this is where we decide if it's worth it to hold onto those negative feelings. I have let God minister to me and that helps me forgive. I am not normally a forgiving person, so that is a HUGE thing for me.
We also have to realize, these WAs are very hurt and disillusioned, too. I think we tend to focus in on our pain and anguish and feel that the WA is happy and satisfied without us. As a defense mechanism, they do act hard hearted and say the most awful, hurtful things. But we have to KNOW that they are scared and hurting, as well. If we put ourself in their shoes, we can find some empathy for them.
Basically what I am saying is we have to decide what we really want. I think we all have learned this R and M thing is not walk in the park. It is a JOB and very hard work! Selfishly we want to protect our heart and feelings, and that is human. But if we love this person enough to fight for our R, and realize it might not ever be perfect, we need to forgive and start over.
It takes ALOT of effort for me but I am doing well. I have let the Lord give me what it takes to deal with it. I can't do it alone. I pray on a daily basis that He would take my insecurity, selfishnesss and unforgiveness and cast then away from me forever. He is doing so. I still have those days where I let the negative stuff creep in, then I have to try extra hard.
Let God guide you, I know you are a spiritual person. We need to let go and let Him lead us. I agree if you are having and off day, don't contact H. I will blow it when I am emotional and negative. I have alot of verses from the bible that I use to strengthen me.
You have come so far in your DBing journey. Your H is still in the game so focus on that! Don't let the negative thoughts plague you. Is the material stuff important enough for him to lead you on for? I doubt it. When someone is truely "done" I doubt they will try so hard when they can get the stuff back in D court. You take care of you and relax a bit. Let your faith make you strong and be kind to you and your H! I will keep you in prayer. God bless!
