What is he doing that you would like him not to be doing? What is he not doing that you would like him to do?
I have quite a long list of things I would like him not to be doing (lying, blaming me for things I didn't do, devaluing me, judging and condemning me, etc.) I'm sorry to say I really can't think of anything I would like him to do. I think that's because he has promised and broken so many commitments to me that I simply don't trust him with anything. There's no point wanting him to do something when I can mostly guarantee that he won't do it.
My H would probably say the same thing, that nothing he does is good enough, but it's nothing like what you had to deal with. And frankly, what things he does, he does like a 12yo. My standards with him are sooo low, that anything less would be non-existent. I've been asking him to not leave his shoes on the floor of the laundry room for 18 years, regularly. Now he does it "most" of the time (about the same amount as S12.) Which means I only have to step around them or trip over them "some" of the time, and therefore it's not a problem, right?
It sounds like your situation was tough! I would wonder what you miss but it sounds like you had fun together. Maybe if we had that, the rest of my sitch would have been easier to bear. I don't know, though. I just don't know how to build a marriage without honesty and trust, or having to play second fiddle to everyone else on the planet. I'd rather not be M'd. I'm glad your rose-colored glasses have come off. It doesn't sound like the relationship was very healthy for you. Perhaps he's done you a favor.
