Still together but trying to save this

[PeteWyo]

Denver, thank you for reassurance. I probably would have responded much differently if not for your expert tutelage. I can see how she got squirrely when she didn't have contact from me. I still feel bad, I am not a fake person at all. As I have mentioned before, I am usually a very honest person, probably to a fault. But as I tell my friends, I am the same person that I was 5, 10 years ago. I may have been recluse because of my anxiety but I was never fake. I bring that up because of something I found out tonight.

Apparently my wife has had issue with me being too "money oriented". I take a couple of issues with this. I have always been a financially responsible person. In fact when I met my wife, she was in a bad place financially. I didn't try and buy her out, I tried to teach her how to get out her debt herself. And she did! I was so proud of her. She borrowed money from friends and family and me instead of having a debt relief company over her head. And she paid everyone back! I was so proud of her, so proud. I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before, but my father was always very money oriented, always trying to provide for his family. I guess I respected that and kind of fell into that role a bit. But I have known that I didn't want to be that way from the beginning. I have actually strived, before I knew about this, to not be my father. I knew he was always focused on succeeding first hand, because he wasn't always around when I was a kid. I have a lot of my mom in me too who was always more family oriented, etc. Anyway, come to find out tonight that she has for the past 3+ years painting me out to be money hungry! It's funny because everyone that I talk to says, "You know, I never bought it, she would say that about you and then we would hang out, and I would think, I don't see that at all." That is because that isn't me! That has never been me. Have I maybe tried too hard to provide for me and my wife but never have I put money before her. So basically for 3+ years she has been painting me in poor light and in the meantime, convincing herself that I was something that I was not. I take major issue with that. If she thought that was me, then why did she marry me?? I haven't changed my core values for the last 15 years. I really have been the same person for a long time. I might have been more recluse because of anxiety and work stress but I was never fake to anyone. I hate fake. This doesn't change anything. In particular it doesn't change anything since if that was really an issue, I have already taken a position that pays less money to reduce my work stress. I did that for me. Good to know since I did that before I knew how she felt. But apparently that is the biggest 180 that I could do. Now I only hope that she realizes that I did that for me and not in some attempt to save my M. I'm not sure I know who this person is. I hate that feeling, all she had to do was talk to me about it and everything would have been cleared up in 10 minutes and we would have had make up nookie! Que Sera Sera....