Have you looked up any info on the Borderline PD diagnosis? Rapid mood swings and difficulties self-soothing are very common.
These sitches are painful and confusing enough, but when your brain cannot effectively temper its emotional responses things are much, much, harder.
As for the resentments for having to be the one to do all the work? Oh, my we have ALL felt that particular bite. ...but at this stage it is NECESSARY.
I longed for, expected, mourned for expressions of remorse, of understanding of what I'd been through, reassurances...all of that....LONG before CJ was ready to offer such to me.
Patience, patience.
You might not want to hear all of this, but here we go anyway.
IMHO, Alaska, you are being too pursuing of your H right now. I felt this right from the moment YOU made the "deal" that if you didn't contact him, he would call you each night.
Honey, this is CONTROLLING. And I can sense his resentment from your own posts.
As for your call about the nails and glue...sorry, but that's bogus. It absolutely could NOT WAIT until his scheduled call later in the day?
You asking him about the chair, the tree, etc...I can understand your motives, really I CAN... you're looking for any signs of softening, any hint of reassurance. That's natural, God, I've BEEN there.
But your H is, IMO, NOT in the place to take these gestures in a good light.
Just a wee story: December 2002...(after bomb #2, when I thought OW was history) theh ONLY thing I mentioned about Christmas were the burned out lights outside. CJ fixed them, fairly minor task.
Months later he told me how he felt back then. He felt I was controlling as always, that he HATED even being in the house with me, that he felt like a sorry, weak FRAUD for fixing lights that held NO meaning for him at that time.
Of course THIS year...he did the whole decorating shebang himself, with NO prompting from yours truly.
And in true DB form I must ask....what are your specific goals for the next 9 days?
...but at this stage it is NECESSARY.
