i'd have to think you're right. of course her father is paying for her attorney and never liked me. he always thought that she was supporting me financially which even if that were the case (it wasn't) shouldn't be a big deal anyway. what i meant was that she was supporting me through my disability and subsequent surgery to fix it.
still... our whole history seems like it was someone elses life that she was living. it's strange. if there were 10 negative and 100 positive things all she is remembering is the negative things. i'm afraid of what that level of animosity will do to my son. he already calls me the "telephone parent".
we're still negotiating the terms of the settlement. in our home state the divorce takes 12 months from the day of separation. i've not seen my son since they left. i didn't have anywhere to stay nor any means to acquire it on my own. i had a few friends that offered me places and that's where i am, staying with a friend. that friend lived in Seattle and my son is near Baltimore.
our agreement, however, spells out that i can see him during the day 8am-8pm provided it's not interfering with school/holidays etc that are already planned. no over nights. he can't come see me in Seattle.
separation agreed upon. 15 years, to the very day, from when we met. it's tragic on so many levels. i'm so sad. i thought this day would never come. i really tried and am still trying to work on myself and be a good partner. i miss my family. i haven't seen my son in 7 months.
i'm so alone and lonely.. i miss my son so much... i miss my wife so much... i miss my family. i don't understand and, on some level, i sort of hope that i never do. it's all just a cycle, now, between soul crushing depression and over the top self destructive behavior. i've lost it all except for my life and it's harder and harder figuring out why that has any value now other than as an example of what not to do.
Jaec, it's been seven months now, what have you done for you? What have you done to try to be able to rent closer to your son?
You need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and live for you. Set very small goals and then when you reach them, celebrate and set some more. Baby steps.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but you basically have two choices, wallow in self pity or pick yourself up and live.
Have you read DR? I know it's hard but right now hard is the only choice you have. You need to stop asking why and how! You need to think about anything you done to contribute to this and do 180s, you need to forgive both yourself and your wife. Change what you can, accept what you can't.
Do you still have any form of contact with your W or S?
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. What are you doing to take care of yourself? That's your most important job, both for yourself and for your family, though it might not be apparent at the moment.
Set some goals. Get help if you need it. You are capable of improving your life. Of course it's difficult. All of this comes with plenty of heartache.
Are you reading other threads here? There's lots to be gained by seeing how others handle things.
Cadet wisely says that our uncooperative partners have given us the gift of time and we must use it wisely. Take it to heart. Improve yourself so that you are a partner that only a fool would leave. Small steps are fine. Just keep moving in the right direction.
JaeC, I am sorry too that you're going thru what so many of us are. I miss my husband so much. It hurts almost all the time. I have some better moments. I have my really down moments. Having a huge down moment tonight. I admit that I had a really self destructive action, it put me in the ER. I've been trying very hard to keep myself going. I luckily get to see my Ds. We're very close. I can't imagine I would keep going without them. I haven't talked to my H in over three weeks. I got an email today. One sentence. It was about money. I just don't know him anymore. I love him and want our marriage. But, sometimes it seems impossible and I don't feel like I have the strength that it takes to keep going. I wish there were magic words that would help you. I understand how you feel.
TJP...I wanted to say Hello and tell You I have read most of your sitch. Im sorry what we are going through. I also have 2 daughters, younger than yours, that are going through h*ll. My H is with OW at this point and Im am struggling very much about it. You can read my story to get the whole thing, but this weekend was terrible and it has affected all of us terribly.
H confessed his love to OW to my girls and I and I have been a basket case ever since:( Im having a hard time also because I am 5 months pregnant and my emotions are all over the place. I am trying to keep it together for my kids, unborn baby and myself but its hard. I see that you are struggling too and looking for answers and hopeful posts. I also want to hear the success stories, but I have come to know that everyone is different and my H is pretty "real" on being done. I want to have hope, but its so very hard.
JaeC..im sorry you are also feeling so down and havent seen your son:(
I wanted to give good vibes your way...I know exactly what you're feeling. I cannot give advice, as Im new, but at least I can give hugs!
SB
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
i do have contact with both of them, i'm allowed to call a few times a week around 7pm. i try to do things, get out and socialize...these are the first holidays that i'm going to be without them and i'm simply distraught. it's even hard to talk about it any more... on some level... it's like it can't be real.
