I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. What are you doing to take care of yourself? That's your most important job, both for yourself and for your family, though it might not be apparent at the moment.
Set some goals. Get help if you need it. You are capable of improving your life. Of course it's difficult. All of this comes with plenty of heartache.
Are you reading other threads here? There's lots to be gained by seeing how others handle things.
Cadet wisely says that our uncooperative partners have given us the gift of time and we must use it wisely. Take it to heart. Improve yourself so that you are a partner that only a fool would leave. Small steps are fine. Just keep moving in the right direction.
