Thanks you all so much for your comments. As you've probably figured out by now, I will not reply to her FB status. In fact, I might not even have to as many of her friends (old friends who I think are rooting for me) who she hadn't talked to in a while because "they didn't understand her", have posted on her status, one being even so upfront as to ask "What are his intentions?". Who knows who and what this refers to? For now, I'll just let this situation ride and see where it leads,if anywhere. I have to admit, though, that it's hard not to have any expectations, but I'm trying to keep them out of the way.
Now, for a few answers.
Rough,
No, I don't have a set schedule, first of all because my intention on settling here was for my W to be close and have all the opportunities in the world to be with D8. I wanted this because the emotional attachment between a girl and her mom are huge and I wanted to minimize the impact this situation would have on D8 while at the same time allow her to get used to the idea of not living with her mom.
Another reason for not having a set schedule is that W's work being what it is, she can't commit to one day or another. It has to be when she can.
On the focus issue? I know what you are saying and you are right, these days, W has been on my mind more than is probably healthy for me. The thing is, right or wrong, in the last 3 1/2 weeks since our big R talk, things haven't really stopped moving and the level of our relationship seems to have intensified. I know I need to try and detach to protect myself but I don't think that pulling away now is the right thing to do. In attracting the squirrel, pulling away has the same result as going towards the squirrel. If you move,it gets scared and runs off. I think I need to stay put and see where this leads, and try to detach and have no expectations. I will keep doing what I do re 180s and GAL.
AT,
You are right. I need to ponder the issue of boundaries, and I have. RE; the message it sends to W and D8, it's a different one. D8 sees me as a loving father who is working on saving her family. A man who is always loving and caring towards her mother even though she knows I'm hurting. I think the message it's sending her is that conflicts can be resolved without arguing and that behaving in a loving manner is always a good thing.
WRT W, I hope she is seeing a strong loving man who stand by his conviction and is ready to fight for her no matter what. A man who has turned his life around so much in the last few months that she might now be having second thoughts. Remember, that 2 months ago, she would barely talk to me, and then it usually was out of anger.
On the issue of detachment, sigh... I know mate. This is the hardest thing for me to do and it's what I need to put huge efforts on. Yes, I'm hanging on to her every word and her every action and yes they do affect me, more than I care to admit. I think I was coming along well enough but since the R talk, it's been a tough one. I'm working on it mate.
As far as confidence and self-worth is concerned, I have more of that these days than I've had in a long time. I am so sure that what I'm doing is the right thing and I'm pretty confidant that I'm going at it the right way. But that is where I might get shot down. I'm sticking my head out too much. You are right sarge!! Point taken!
FY,
I know what you're saying mate. I don't like playing games either. I'd prefer open discussion about such things. It avoids a lot of guessing and the possibility of misunderstanding. If she sent me a direct text with the same message I would ask but on FB status, for all I know she's not referring to me and my asking might show a neediness I don't care to show.
Besides, in the past, when she directed such FB comments at me, they were in English. This one was in her language. I know she knows I could, and probably would figure it out but as I said, it might not have been about me. I'm probably reading too much into it. Remember the song "You're so Vain"?
Denver,
As far as stopping the mind reading, tough one. But as you said, if she is indeed doing some thinking the answer will reveal itself when she is ready. Right now, she obviously isn't and pushing it would showing my impatience and might come out as me being needy.
Starsky,
Yup mate! I'm not playing this one.
TheUF,
Exactly. She's had many opportunities to do so in the last few weeks and she knows where I stand.
25,
I hadn't thought of it that way. I guess my male ego would be hurt if she came with some guy who could "have a look" at the guy whose W is now seeing (to keep it clean) their mate. Is it petty? Maybe but it's the way I feel right now. I would really feel like a doormat/push over. Sorry, I wish I could be more mature about this but I've let my pride take a huge drop over many things but this is not something I feel I have to do.
Besides, I never promised her that she could practice here with mates. I told her she could have her lessons here because the piano is here and she uses it for her singing lessons.
The city where we are has hundreds or rehearsing studios (literally) which go for as little as a few dollars for a few hours. There are at least three of these within walking distance from here and probably 4 or 5 in her neighbourhood. I don't think that coming here is necessary. IN fact, it's probably out of her way.
Nonetheless, I'll think about what you said. For now, I won't say a thing until it's brought up again. Rehearsals have a way of getting canceled at a moment's notice.
Thanks you all so much for your time.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
