Thanks for your insight, Soul. Your suggestion should work, but I believe H's response would be: C: I really appreciate you taking S12 to school. I'm not sure if you're aware but S12 needs to be at school by 7:50 otherwise he needs a late note. H: Okay, but S12 said he wasn't late.
I think perhaps you pinned the bottom line problem for me, though. I DON'T appreciate it. I enjoy taking my S to school. I could easily set him up for a carpool, but I don't because he's my one and only, and we have some really fun times. Silly, 12yo boy things, but I love it. I only agreed to let H take him because of some posts that said I needed to give H the opportunity to "do things for me." If H offered to take S12, I needed to let him so that he could feel "needed." That, and I have so much fun with S12 that I didn't feel right not letting H have the opportunity.
So now, I'm already sacrificing something I love to do, and having to bite my tongue when he's late (or forgets his lunch or something else), and phrase it in such a way that he isn't put on the defensive. I really would rather just take S12 myself. Besides, this course is just letting H think he's doing something wonderful for me, so then he's going to ask me to do something for him (like sex.) I have no doubt this would work for him. Meanwhile, I'm actually not getting any of my needs met, so from my perspective, I would be better off without him.
I really wish we could separate for a bit. I suggested to him recently that he should pursue his dream of purchasing a foreclosure house for renovation. A few years back, he was really hot on it, and tried to get me to go in with him. The problem is that the burden of all the tasks he couldn't figure out or didn't want to do would have fallen on me, so I refused. But if he was living there, it would be all his. Plus, our relationship would be totally measurable. If he did something at "his" house, he couldn't possibly say he was doing it "for me." I feel like we need this in order to clean the slate for both of us and start out with an accurate perspective of our relationship. Who knows, maybe I'm the one that would be enlightened.
But he refused. He likes the idea of doing it with me so I can carry half the burden. But it's not my dream. He's not interested if he has to assume full responsibility for it. So without that, I don't have a better idea and I'm back to counting down the years until S12 is out.
As for my prior threads, I just felt it had taken a course that wasn't productive anymore. The fact is that if it wasn't for S12, I would be gone. But I'm stuck here for now and trying to make the best of it. That doesn't mean I'm going to act like a LBS and do a bunch of 180's. But I am willing to do some things to make the next six years less volatile. Some things, not just anything. So by posting in WAS, no one should get the wrong impression.
I really appreciate you dropping in! I, too, get much from the perspective of "the other side."
